Father of 30 Requests, Gets, Break on Child Support

A 33 year old Knoxville, Tennessee man has asked a judge there to ‘give him a break’ in paying his alimony to 11 women with whom he has fathered 30 children (This is true). Desmond Hatchett, who works a minimum wage job, says life is difficult for him because he pays half of his already miniscule salary to the unmarried women who bore his migrating sperm to fruition.

RIGHT: CAUTION, this photo of Desmond Hatchett may cause pregnancy.

Some women receive the princely sum of $1.49 a month from child support, about enough to pay the washer cost on one load of diapers.

In a televised statement Desmond himself says that he had four children born because of him in a year twice, the full depth of this grotesque irresponsibility apparently not having reached his brain yet even though it did pass by real close as it left his mouth. A number of years ago when Mr. Hatchett was still not quite the Guiness Book Of World Records Top Gun and only had 21 offspring he had sworn to the judge ‘that he would never again have another child’ but apparently didn’t realize that he had to keep out of a woman’s plumbing to achieve this.

Appearing before Judge Ambercrombie Bonebreaker in the Knoxville Court House for his umpteenth time, the kindly judge decided to honor his request; with a provision, that is.

Judge: “Mr. Hatchett, I will gladly give you a break if you will do exactly what I now tell you to do.”
Mr. Hatchett: (Visibly coming back to life as he realizes he might find a way to again weasel out of his responsibilities ) “What is that, your Honor?”
Judge: “You must first strip naked right where you stand.”
Mr. Hatchett: (He is at first taken back by this, but then thinks, “What the heck, I spend most of my free time naked anyway, so why not here.) “OK, you’re honor.” ( He disrobes.)
Judge: “Now I want you to watch these videos.” (The judge approaches the table that the now nude Mr. Hatchett is standing behind.)

The slide show goes on to display nude, posed shots of all the women that Desmond got pregnant. As he watches, Desmond get a ____

(The Editor must interrupt this vitally important news item to make a minor adjustment to the submission to keep things in this website to at least a PG rating. Rather than use the wording that the so-called ‘writer’ of this piece used I will make it more digestible with more politically correct descriptions that will pass the Good Housekeeping Seal Of Approval that we so desperately need to keep ourselves in the good graces of the mass market. The substituted phrases will be coded in such a fashion as to allow the more mature and experienced reader to know what the deviate meant in the first place. Thank you.)

__Protuberally Engorged Noodle Instantly Supersized. The judge immediately strides up and smashes his gavel down, breaking the Previously Enclosed Nubile Instrument of Sleaziness, breaking it in half. Mr. Hatchett screams in pain, asking why the judged wanged his Pornography Enhanced Neurologically Impregnating Screwdriver. The judge replied casually “I have brought forth an answer to the situation that solves it for everyone concerned by whacking your Predominate Engine for Nurturing Irresponsible Sex.” Desmond replied, “But, my God, your Honor! My Party Equipment Naturally Impregnating Suckers is my only form of entertainment! You want me to give that up?”

The judge snorted back “ It is either that or having your Persistently Engorged Now Inhibited Salami totally removed!”

Mr. Hatchett finally got the message and he and his Perpendicularly Enhanced Now Increasingly Swollen thing left the court room.

“If you had whacked it yourself in the first place you wouldn’t be here now!” the judge called after him.
Speaking to this website after Mr. Hatchett was gone, Judge Bonebreaker mentioned that “the only real answer is to make his love tool a Permanently Eunuchisized Nub of Impotent Size.”

Meanwhile, welfare abuse activists are planning on stretching a condom over Mr. Hatchett’s head and letting him suffocate until he gets the idea.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/

1 thought on “Father of 30 Requests, Gets, Break on Child Support

  1. All this has turned out to be is racist anti male propaganda. First, there are 24 children, not 30, and even than, not paternity tests have been done, as he could not afford to pay for any. He was in jail when the other six kids were conceived, and where he still is.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8yLOkdK1X4&list=PLA0AF89931E54FC1A

    Second, statistically, 8 of that 24 are not his.
    http://dadshouseedctr.org/PaternityTesting

    As for the child support, according to court records, not such request has been made. The initial claim about this came from a Supremacists website, and you guys just ate it up.
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Desmond-Hatchett-OctoDad-Menace-To-Society-or-Target/111049225700728

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