Jared Loughner has been chosen the poster boy of the year for the NRA–the Nutso Retard Association of America.
The minute his mugshot hit the press, the top officials of the organization were unanimous in saying “That’s our boy! He’s got the look we want! He’s clean cut (very!), he’s got a winning smile, he’s got a bright, happy look in his eyes. He’s just the one to represent what we stand for!”
The NRA will begin using Jared’s image on all of its advertising, promotions, products and elementary school handouts. “Such a clean, pure, white image will surely attract the kind of people we want.” stated Gilmore Blastass, spokesman for the Nutso Association.
“Especially the white part. And on any advertising we do with audio content, we are surely going to add that favorite song of his about bodies hitting the floor.”
NRA representatives have already been dispatched to the jail where Loughner is being held to offer him a contract which includes a rewarding salary, bonus perks, future discounts on weaponry, and all the medication his body can handle.
This could take a while because Mr. Loughner isn’t allowed to touch any sharp objects right now such as pens for signing the contract, and also because he has suddenly developed a new passion for chewing on peoples faces like Hannibal Lector, which makes it hard to communicate with him.
Still, the NRA wants him for their boy. “He’s got that winning smile.” stated Blastass, smiling creepily himself. “He’s got those qualities we so want to see in our members.”
Wait until you see the sequel!!!!!!!!
That picture scared the living hell out of me, likewise the story.