RACINE, Wisconsin (GlossyNews) — On the way into the city of Racine, Wisconsin from the Milwaukee airport, President Obama was googling around on his Blackberry and he found a local pastry shop. From there, everything started to go wrong.
Obama made a surprise detour to O&H Danish Bakery, the purveyor of the State of Wisconsin delicacy called a Kringle — a large, flat pastry with a hole in the middle. He ordered one pecan and one cherry. A saleswoman recommended the cheese as well, so he said, “Let’s get a third!”
While the presidential motorcade advanced into the city where he was to make a jobs speech (joblessness here is over 14%) the rightwing press high-tailed it back to the press plane and began sending out tweet after tweet about what they have termed the “Khris Kringle Krisis”.
One by one, the rightwing media phoned and twittered around the GOP to get sound bites to attach to their stories for the afternoon/evening news cycle.
Here are a few of the responses that they got so quickly by asking this one simple question: “Do you feel the President needed to buy those 3-Ks at this Racist Bakery?”
“Obama is bankrupting the country. All he does is spend and spend.” said Eric Cantor, R–OH, breathless from raking up his leaves on his lawn.
“So Obama creates an over-the-top spending plan for Racine’s Kringle business that no one really believes would not greatly increase the deficit and says that we need to control the deficit? Such bald-faced hypocrisy makes me unable to think.” —Mitch McConnell, R–TN, raking his finger through his balding head.
“And we deceive ourselves if we think that it will stop at the currently weak form of socialism. The goal of socialism is communism.” —Vladimir Lenin, Soviet leader, raking in his grave posthumously.
“I’m convinced the sensible majority of Americans will soon join forces against this Kringle industry of Wisconsin, as well as the blood-thirsty abortion activists, greedy bankers, multi-national labor unions, illegal immigrants, fascist, socialist and communist sympathizers, homosexual activists, Islamic imperialists, anti-American lobbyists, etc.” —Rush Limbaugh R-AIR, totally raked on undisclosed drugs.
“This outrageous spending is exactly what lead us to where we are now helping that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and their help for Dodd and Frank. This is why we find Dodd not running for reelection so let’s see how much further they can destroy the country or redistribute the wealth to the welfare people and illegals. As Diana Ross so rightly sang, ‘I work hard for the money’.” —Sarah Palin R-AS* sending in 4 texts from the company’s Lear Jet on her annual buying trip to Bentonville’s Walmart Warehouse Sale.
“The actions of this administration are like being in the backseat of a car being driven by a madman. Three Kringles, my ass.” —Dick Cheney R-??, texting from an undisclosed hospital gurney.
“if you’ll just look at these simple-minded primitive minds who support people like him. Buying three Kringles is wasteful spending of the highest order. Some behaviors never evolve even after millions of years. Figure this last statement out.” —Glenn Beck R-FX raking his chalkboard with his fingernails on-camera at FNC.
“Thank God I can hold my head up high, unfortunately I was not one of the majority this time.” —John McCain, R–AZ, raking his Sedona AZ lawn.
“American capitalism is at a crossroads. We can follow the socialist path that leads to Norway or the conservative path that leads to India. In both countries the rich enjoy comparable standards of living. It is only the folks at the bottom that will ever see a difference.” —Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, R–LA, raking a Gulf shore sand dump south of New Orleans.
More after the fold.