Categorized | Human Interest, Religionism

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (2/2)

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (2/2)

Last time:

Still, I thought things might pick up a bit when I scouted a better deal at the Baha’is and the Ahmadis.

Unfortunately, however, thing didn’t get that much better.

I mean, it was an improvement to some degree, I even got the title of “Manifestation of God,” which was pretty cool, albeit not a patch on my past glory.

I mean, these two jobs were fairly stable, fairly safe, but I kind of got a bit disillusioned.

It wasn’t that demanding or rigorous, and these guys weren’t into all the radical fanatical proselytising. Their view was:

“If people come to us, we will welcome them. If they don’t, it’s in God’s hands.”

Well, way to rub it in, guys! I know I’m not supposed to be God anymore, but it really grinds when people have to constantly bring it up. It’s mean!

And I’m not a mean guy. Not like that sexist loser Buddha, who said that women have to wait at the back of the queue to be enlightened.

Or that Muhammad guy, who hated gay people.

Or this Sri Krishna, who thought disabled people were “sinners.”

Sorry, this professional rivalry does come over me sometimes! Not to mention my professional technical terminology, which some maliciously characterise as “meaningless jargon,” purely because they’re not properly trained in it and don’t have a hope in hell of ever understanding it properly.

Not that some of my followers are much better, to be fair!

Then I finally hit the bottom. You just can’t sink any lower than this. I’m actually a part time volunteer “inspiring figure” for the Unitarian Universalists!

Oh, come on! Is that even a job?

I mean, you know the way Republicans and right-libertarians sneer at organic vegetable co-operatives and self-published satire novellas?

Well, it’s kinda like that.

You know, I’ve had enough. I’m just gonna quit this stuff.

And hey…

Well, if this entire cosmos does finally fall to pieces when I finally walk out the door, just remember whose fault it is that you can’t keep your talent!

Yeah, OK. So I have a Messiah complex, ya say? Huh! Well, so would you, if you were anything like me, right?!


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Sub-editor of Glossy News. Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! You can buy my satire and poetry ebooks from many online stores, including Amazon. Make sure you like the Glossy News and Wallace Runnymede pages on Facebook!


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