Categorized | Human Interest, Religionism

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (1/2)

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (1/2)

Jesus thinks his career has been on the slide for millennia (if not for eternity), and he’s just sick of it.

You know, I was once at the absolute top of the pile in the job market. Full-time Son of God.

Actually God.

But you know what? The higher you get, the further you fall. Now I’m starting to know how Wotan feels.

So how did I get to this dire state?

Well, Arianism was where the slide began. My job title hadn’t changed, I was still the Son of God, but there was a sneaky amendment made in my contract, which said that the Son of God was no longer God, as such.

But still pretty important, at least.

Well hey: Tony Blair, anyone?

But still full-time and in a fairly good place.

But it got worse. By the time of the Umayyad caliphate, I was just slumming it in a lousy part-time job, downgraded to mere prophet status. I was no longer omnipotent, and there was just nothing I could do about it.

Woah! Hell, if only my omniscience had been good enough to let me see that one coming!

(Yup, no longer omniscient by this stage either).

Oh and when the Reformation happened, I started to really fear for my own wellbeing. My new managers said:

“Don’t worry my good friend… um, saviour, we’re going to move a bit of the furniture around, you now, shake things up a little! But it’s just window dressing. We’re not going to make things hard for you.”

… Said no new boss ever!!!

Still, I thought things might pick up a bit when I scouted a better deal at the Baha’is and the Ahmadis.

Hm. Well, how did that one go, then? Find out next time.

There’s a Glossy News podcast from Brian in between, though. That will keep you entertained before the next instalment of the greatest tale of woe never before told! But as always, the next part of this story will come quickly, and according to promise, whenever you least expect it! (Hint: next 48 hours). So, in the meantime, look busy, everybody! 😉


This post was written by

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Sub-editor of Glossy News. Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! You can buy my satire and poetry ebooks from many online stores, including Amazon. Make sure you like the Glossy News and Wallace Runnymede pages on Facebook!


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