SOUTH OAKLAND, CA —Glossy News Harold Camping [the American Christian radio host who falsely prophesied that the world would end on May 21] suffered a stroke in June but is slowly recovering. Acting on God’s advice, he will soon be able to return home. Mr. and Mrs. Camping expressed their thankfulness for his stroke rehab therapy, saying “all the glory goes to God,” Mrs. Camping continued on Mr. Camping’s behalf, “as Harold’s recovery is in God’s hands and according to His timing.”
“Of course Harold wants to recognize those doctors and nurses who have followed God’s unerring medical advice in their successful treatment of Harold’s condition.” Mrs. Camping explained.
“Harold, who can’t speak at this time, asked me to tell you that he’s already working with the Final Rapture Countdown up to October 21. He wants you to check off the many visible events he has noted since the May 21 beginning…massive earthquakes in Japan, Virginia and Alaska; Hurricanes Irene on the East Coast, Lee who is now in Louisiana, and Katia close behind in the Atlantic…all these are according to Harold’s Plan, minute by minute. He hopes all of you are good to go. Please send your checks to Harold as you’ve done before, he has had lots of expenses.
“And he wants me to remind you that he doesn’t take a penny of your money for himself or me, either. Besides, those of you who are tapped for the Rapture Express, you won’t need the cash anyway. So send as much as you can. The rest of you can consider it a down payment for your successful flight.
“No one should miss this one. It will be Harold’s last Rapture, and it’s on the cusp of Libra/Scorpio.”
•••
On the national political front, it was announced by GOPTea Party Chairman Rience Prebus, that the Arizona Glock raffle was such a huge success, raising $1250.00 from just 125 $10 ticket buyers, that the party now plans to hold at least one raffle in every state.
Mr. Prebus said, “When you crunch the numbers, this is a windfall of cash that we can’t afford to pass up. Our 50-state minimum will be a whopping $62,500.00, and you can easily see what would happen if we doubled the number of raffles. We’re talking serious money here.”
It has been noted that the GOPTea Party is still $19 million in debt from the previous administration.
Prebus continued, “And the benefit to the ticket buyers is that 50, and maybe 100 lucky people will go home with a $10 Glock and a 32-cartridge magazine! They can all play that viral gun game, ‘Tuscon’s Crosshairs’. That’s a big-time GOPTea bennie in this strapped ObamaConomy.”
Sorry Brian, I could have done a story about it, but this is so much more fun!
additinonal add 4) When it’s erased from the website, it’s erased from time.
He gone.
Adding to the totals here:
1) I have ignored all the articles that I have read about my grandpa…but this one…is soooo false.
2) I hope this bastard lives to see October 22nd.
1) Honey, your gp has quit predicting the end of the world. But thanks again for the compliment.
2) He did. But he’s tired of it all and won’t be predicting anything anymore.
My added 3) He’s sorry to have caused any problems, y’all.
I honestly hope he dies Crazy old man
Five days away from the end of the world.
All the Haroldtards must be getting antsy.
I wonder what his excuse will be this time?
O Jeez, thanks a helluva lot Bob. Guess who is having surgery on the 21st? Yup, that would be me. Thank God Camping’s been wrong a few times before. Either way, if I go, I’m taking everyone with me.
Kitten: Camping probably owns a dozen nursing homes. He makes $19million a year and it’s tax free, as he has a church.
Just listened to his latest audio tape on his website. He says everything will be over by October 21 — for sure this time. It will be a quiet ending, no fire and brimstone. Earthquakes are over.
And he is getting better. Recuperating at home and hoping to see everyone of the elect in just a few weeks. Which now means just 6 days.
Have a nice flight everyone. And if you have pets you want me to feed after you are gone, just send your house keys and any cash you have left over. c/o GlossyNews.
Harold Camping needs to be locked away in a nursing home and heavily sedated, he’s obviously got Dementia
Hey rf, I would never bother. You know that! hehehe
Hey Bob, it was Beckert, but she already horrendously humiliated me so you don’t need to bother.
I’ve got Stomp tickets the 22nd. Screw this prophesy.
Hey rf, who are you calling a brown nose?
Well, I like SOME of the writers. I didn’t say all of them, Freed. Don’t worry, I would never hand you a compliment as I’m sure you wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Talk about brown-nosing!
It’s my favorite site. And the quality of writing on here can’t be beat. What can I tell you? I’m an opportunist. I also tune other instruments occasionally.
ps P. Beckert: Nice little advert for Glossy you slipped in there.
s: I am sorry to inform you that this is a totally false story about your ‘possible’ grandfather. But don’t tell him I said so, as he will be very down about it. The thought of living past October 21, 2011 could possibly have tragic consequences for him. So Mum’s the word. OK?
Ha! PB, I write with only one thought in mind – If the shoe fits. And of course, if it’s funny. But that is what everyone hopes.
Fred: It’s in the writing, Fred. Some get it, some don’t. See above.
rf: Once again you’ve been had by a charlatan. Will you never learn? But I do love being a charlatan. And thanks for the cash!
Comet Elenin is now adding to the Rapture theories.
WHAT!
YOU MEAN HE MADE IT ALL UP???
I JUST DONATED MY LIFE SAVINGS TO HIS CHURCH!!!!
DAMN!
NOW IT MIGHT AS WELL RAPTURE. MY BANK ACCOUNT IS RUPTURED!!!!
Sure, but sometimes the comments on these stories are as fun to read as the articles. That’s what makes Glossy such a great site.
Why Harold Camping is false:
1. The Bible says nothing about a Rapture.
2. In the song, “Jesus Loves the Little Children,” it says that Jesus loves everyone from every color to every race, so that means He loves the nonbelievers and why would He leave His children behind to die and not be with Him?
Do none of the commenters realize that this is a parody site?
BTW, Seems you really struck a nerve on this one BobZ.
@s: I have just one more teensy weensy little question…just how humbly and frugally can one live on an estimated income of around $19 million a year (according to IRS filings) and do you, my dear have any designs on that money once Mr. Camping is raptured?
S:
Assuming you are really one of his grandchildren, I have to say that I’m astounded. And I have questions… no doubt questions that other people might be asking as well. These aren’t meant to be insulting, I’m genuinely curious, so hopefully if you’re still watching this page, you might be willing to answer:
1. You apparently don’t believe in the rapture/calendar, but your grandfather has stated numerous times that those who don’t ultimately believe aren’t of the Elect. Post May 21, he said Salvation has ended; the door is shut leading up to Oct 21. That has to give way to awkward moments between you and him. Is it ever discussed? Have you ever told him you think he’s wrong?
2. I’m sure Matthew 7:15-23, 2Peter 2:1-3, and Jer 14:14-16 have been quoted about your father numbers times at you. What are your thoughts? Does THAT make for awkward conversation between you and your grandfather, or is the subject just avoided?
3. Post May 21, there were at least a couple news stories reporting of people who committed suicide because they were afraid of what they were told by Mr. Camping and family radio would soon come. In one case (see http://www.eaec.org/desk/07-14-2011.pdf ) hundreds were alleged killed, directly as a result of their following and believing in the teachings of his radio ministry. Is any remorse or concern felt by Mr, Camping or anyone at Family Radio about this?
I hope this bastard lives to see October 22nd.
Harold Camping is a,”full fledged” heretic and false teacher. A very disillusioned man who’s demonic predictions have split apart husbands and wife’s, family’s and friendships. Him and his “evil” Family radio stations have deceived many Bible ignorant people.
Camping looks at the Scriptures and twists their meanings to fit his distorted (Satanic) views. I pray each day that God will shut down Camping’s radio stations and silence Camping for the rest of his life.
Those who work and broadcast on Family radio are totally complicit in the spreading of Camping’s heresies, and should flee this kind of “anti-Christian propaganda.” Shame on ALL of you…
This article is completely false, and the only bit of truth is that…yes, Harold Camping did have a stroke, and yes he did predict the end of the world. He is in fact able to speak…very clearly, and his mind is perfectly sound. In fact he has been out on several outings. There has been no talk about October 21, that I am aware of and he is just glad to be in such good health and is not focusing on anything else right now. I can say all of this because I am one of Harold Camping’s grandchildren and know what’s going on. I did not believe in the rapture thing, but do know that my grandparents live more humbly and frugally than anyone that I can think of at this moment. He has never taken a dime from anybody and made his money when he was young and ran a VERY successful construction business. Giving jobs to people who had no money or experience, but he knew that they needed a job and hired them so that they could feed their families. So, stop trying to write about something that you know nothing about. I have ignored all the articles that I have read about my grandpa…but this one…is soooo false.