Tallahatchie County DA Kirk Shatner gazes into the distance when pressed on his crusade against the Jehovah Witness organization. “Oh yeah, I know what some people say. That I’m picking on an unpopular minority in blatant appeal to the fundamental Christian voting bloc for my Lieutenant Governor bid. It ain’t nothing like that. This is about perjury, plain and simple. Perjury is a serious crime.”
The Tallahatchie DA spoke candidly on his grievance against the well-known religious group. While the probe has so far cost millions, in a county suffering from unemployment, meth, and bankruptcies, Shatner was unapologetic about his prosecutorial choices.
“They say you can’t get no blood transfusion, all right? That’s what this is all about. Perjury, plain and simple. God wouldn’t allow humans to learn how to give life-saving blood transfusions, if we weren’t supposed to do them, right? I’m all for freedom of religion, but these people claim to be witnesses and they’re committing perjury, so I will prosecute.”
After a brief interruption while he tried to contact Chuck Norris for an endorsement of his Lieutenant Governor bid, Shatner continued. “I’m gonna run these perjurers to ground, you just hide somewhere and watch, you fancy media folks with your ‘I’m from Glossy News’ and such. Here in Alabama, we don’t cotton to big city smug. Hell, we don’t even like people from Birmingham!
“You fire away and write a story making fun of me. Ain’t nobody around here gonna read it, so what do I care? As Lieutenant Governor, excuse me, as District Attorney? I will never rest while perfidy, calumny, trollops and blackguards feel free to exercise their libertine evilness with joyous, sweaty abandon.”
Kirk Shatner gave your Glossy News reporter several bumper stickers, while again asserting his prosecutorial crusade has nothing to do with pandering to the religious right. “Hell no it ain’t about election year politics! This thing is bigger than Rosie O’Donnell’s butt! When people find out what those Jehovah Witnesses have really been up to, everybody will be shocked. Shirley Temple’s panties son! You think I’m playing here? I done got seven Jehovah Witnesses in the witness protection program.”
Well Mr. White certainly parsed that rebuttal to the molecular level.
I really don’t know why little sects form around exclusionary interpretations of Scripture.
I won’t say I’m the only Glossy News contributor who believes in Christ, same as I was unwilling to assume myself as only gun owner in the crowd.
I’m in South Dakota tonight. It’s freakin’ colder than Stalin’s heart to me, yet locals say this ‘warm snap’ will end soon.
When I get home, I’ll write 3 very controversial stories for the Glossy News Network. What about, I dunno yet.
This latest JW cat, sigh. There’s really no Scripture that supports refusing blood transfusion.
Some responses to JW-by-Choice
“…it appears that most of you have no idea what we believe or why we believe it.”
Ya joshin’ me, right? The problem isn’t what people don’t know, it’s what people DO know.
“It saddens me to know that so many people view our home visits as intrusive.”
But visits from Mormons aren’t. Why is that? Because they’re the nicest, sweetest kids, and they’re enormously helpful? Why can’t JWs be that?
“However, we are not “salesmen” as JR remarked. What we give to the people is FREE OR CHARGE.”
Did you mean free OF charge? Cuz that’s not what you said. Funny little slip there either way. When I was a teenager in the 90s they came to my door and offered literature, but for a “nominal fee”. I didn’t have money, so they thanked me and left… no literature for me. I grew up in a rich neighborhood, and they came through about once a year. In the 15-years I’ve lived in a poor one, I’ve never seen them. Your missionaries ask for donations??? How tacky is that!
“Having been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses since 1972…”
Wow, you’ve seen the world come to an end… TWICE! If it doesn’t concern you that your religion is so demonstrably false, it should.
“Regardless of what goes on in the world, Jehovah’s Witnesses will not pick up arms to kill another human being, even if this results in their imprisonment, torture or execution.”
But it’s okay to let a child bleed to death when a cure is right there? It’s not the peace-loving that earns JWs a reputation as insane killers, it’s what they do to their own children.
“Because of misinformation and misunderstandings about our beliefs, many people will not greet us at their doors, when we come to visit.”
Get real!!! You guys have been living in our communities and knocking on our doors for a hundred years. We know you well. It’s not what we don’t know that’s the problem, it’s what we DO know.
“That is sad, because we really do love our neighbors and we really do have good advice to share regarding marriage, family life, relationships, addiction to drugs and alcohol, breaking bad habits and a host of other subjects.”
You really think you have a monopoly on morality? ALL churches have good advice. Every community center and YMCA has good advice. Every senior center has good advice. My waiter at The Cheesecake Factory has good advice, and unlike JWs, he’ll actually bring me a birthday cake.
“We offer FREE home bible education to anyone who wants to learn more about the Bible.”
Okay, that’s EVERY church. What’s wrong with you, guy? Do you think the Presbyterians are going aroung charging little old ladies for Bible study?
“so many people avoid us because of what they have read on the internet (not the best source of accurate information) or because of what they have heard from others who are not JWs.”
Is that what they teach you? That people don’t like JWs because of what the internet says??? People don’t look you up on the internet. People don’t even think about you until you give them a reason to. What does the internet say about Anglicans or Baptists? I don’t know and I don’t care. The internet campaign is YOUR issue, in YOUR head.
Catholic priests and leadership have a horrible, horrible reputation, but nobody slams the door in the face of a Catholic, no matter what the internet says, or how true it is.
You’ve got this victim complex, buddy, and it’s really obnoxious. Is annoying people a written tenet of your faith, or do you guys just understand that it’s how you get to heaven?
“If it ever crossed your mind that Jehovah’s Witnesses might be a secret cult or sect, that was likely because you knew too little about them. That must have been the situation with many in the first century.”
No, I think it has to do with the literal definition of a cult. The isolationism, doom prophecy, and strange practices are really what causes that belief.
Wow Vinny, I had always heard that you guys really are a bunch of dicks, but I never got to experience it myself. Thanks for this new experience!
The Jehovah’s Witnesses are a very hated christian religion true!
By the criteria many use christ himself and his followers would be a cult and false prophet. obviously NOT
Apostates were foretold to arise from there own midst, that began in the first century.
The early christian’s were also labeled a cult, a sect, and abusively spoken against thats a fact.
Jehovahs Witnesses do not claim to be prophets in the sense of making new prophecies. The scriptures say that when people have been preached to, even if they refuse the good news, that “they will know that a prophet has been in their midst” meaning Jw’s carry the existing prophecies to people but these visits ordered by God are not from those who carry them, but from God as they are Gods words and do not originate with his witnesses or the organixation he is using to preach as his Son tuaght them to.
This preaching was instituted and ordered by God through his Son and is an expression of God’s Love to those who listen and warning to those who don’t. The Wintesses are not dedicated to a work but to God.
they do not belive they are earning salvation, but true love is always accompanied by works, Faith without works is dead, their faith is alive and their love for God is manifest by thier obediance to his will. The reward everlasting life whether in heaven or an earth is a free gift to those that have observed his word.
NO SCARE TACTICS: They don’t teach the alternative to beliveing is everlasting hell fire, The bible itself holds out the ultimate penalty for not making use of God’s provision for being saved and that is simply the death, the opposite of life. that is not a scare tactic it is a fact based not on interpretation but scripture(s)
God wants willing worshipers, he coerces no one. the unwilling would be totally unacceptable, besides rulling by fear dosnt work, but by love, loyal love does but only for those who want to. there are at least two types of fear one is a fear to displease someone you love and the other is a morbid fear. Those that truly fear God, believe he is the rewarder of those who love him the person who does not fear God nor even believes he exists will when they are called to account have the morbid type fear.
Don’t want visits? kindly tell them rather than hiding as this will result in extra visits to find you home. They don’t have to reach everyone before the end comes but they must keep busy in the work because lives are involved. It not a matter of trying to convert everyone just finding right hearted ones.
Does Jehovah’s Witnesses door to door efforts produce results?
About 800 hundred congregations of approx 200 people are being formed every year from the field for many years now and its increasing!
I happened upon this site, but will not remain after my say becuase there are many here who are obviously APOSTATE (look it up) I wish to have no dealings or converstaion with them, not anymore than I would with Satan.
Jehovahs Witnesses have an offical website full of information about them get it straight from the horses mouth, as they say. Why listen to propaganda from enemies and apostates who lurk in annonimity spouting poison like it was cool aid? Should anyone listen to an enemie of yours to find out about you? think not! Bye!
For the most part, a bunch of idiots!!!
What a lot of miserable, hateful people.
You are one sick puppy BobZ
Pat, about this: “He eventually chewed his leg off trying to excape my kitchen.”
Do you still have that leg on ice or in the freezer? It’s my turn to do Thanxgiving and I want to surprise the folks with my creative cooking. Planning the main dish as Body of Christ, the Turkey.
Unfortunately, the minors aren’t always protected. Time is often of the essence and even when it isn’t, ya know…
Youth Dies After Parents Refuse To Allow Tranfusion
14 Year Old Jehovah’s Witness Dennis Lindberg Dies After Refusing Blood Transfusion
Now can we change the subject? I was told there would be punch and pie.
Well yeah Mr. White, there have been some kids died for lack of blood transfusions. CPS and Court system now generally do fair job protecting minors on such. Of course, I bet some rurals still fall thru cracks every year.
I defend the right of any adult to make their own health decisions influenced by their religion, despite what I’d think of their call.
A sane society protects kids from martyrdom on faith altars.
So yeah, accepted science says kid dies without blood transfusion, sorry whatever sect! When kid turns 18 they can make idiot (my opinion) health choices if they wish. Meantime, the unbelievers will protect the minor.
Same should go for abortion though, as pertains to minors. My understanding, a girl at 16yo can’t get a tattoo without parental permission, but she can kill her healthy unborn baby without parental permission, huh?
I’d choose to protect all minors from the seduction of all death cults, whether religious or secular.
You’re right, the JWs don’t do terror bombings. Not like the Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and Jews. Isn’t it fun to make broad, unfair generalizations? It’s a great way to make enemies too!
So yeah, no bombings. That’s a good start right? Or is it? They ban blood transfusions, and children have died because of it. I don’t support the killing of children, and I see “letting kids die” as being the same thing.
Isn’t this fun?
The last Jehova Witness’ that came to my door, I made believe I sold life insurance and invited them in to get some free brochures and a sales pitch about ‘very affordable life insurance.’
Those two guys were back on their bicycles so fast you would think they spotted a quarantine notice on my door.
Can’y really say I know much about that religion, but one thing for sure…They don’t strap bombs around their waist and blow up kids and women.
Should I be offended?
… Er, uh excuse me? I don’t EVER want to write the twin of Ms. Beckert’s Apache Deportation Squad story! Last I heard, that story has signed for next season of ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
I wrote a story about political pandering in connection with picking on a poorly misunderstood religious minority. JW was a metaphor for Muslisms, OK? I write like that; I’m a very clever person! That’s what at least threee of my former Parole Officers have said, anyways.
All you good atheists/agnostics, kindly take a smoke break for a min? Hey, Jehovah Witnesses, take a knee! Look kids, u often come off creepy to the unbelieving world, on wrong side of creepy spectrum. Blood transfusions and Christmas presents ain’t got squat to do with it really. I’m seen just as creepy as u JW folk are I bet, but not as a walking infomercial for some niche version of God’s plan. Unbelievers don’t want to hear Romans 8:28 from me, or II Chronicles 7:14.
This world is hurting for honest, unagendized interactions among humans. That’s my version of creepy. Christ PREACHED to crowds, but in ALL of Christ’s one-on-one interactions, he asked questions and listened (even tho he knew what the person would say). Woman at the well to woman caught in adultery to rich young man being challenged to sell off everything, ALL the one-on-one interactions bear a consistent hallmark.
After listening, Jesus is effectively asking each encounter, “What do you think it is you’re doing, that humiliates you? What do u hope to gain from continuing to do that? Maybe u should stop doing that?”
JW folk, I don’t care whether u adults refuse transfusions or not; it’s your call. Not important really in the long run how or when any individual dies, but how they lived.
I want to be seen as creepy because I genuinely care for everyone I meet, and I’m less interested in selling them something than I am finding out what they’ve been buying that hurts their hearts.
JW look creepy to the unbelieving world mostly because:
1. It’s intruding on peoples’ private property.
2. U appear to be selling something. To them it looks like the Amway of religions.
None of what I’ve typed will change any of you JW folk in the least, I know that. Am just saying? There are ways to be creepy that catch in some people’s memories long after, and ways to be creepy where people won’t answer the door. One is more effective than another, one is more in emulation of Christ’s earthly ministry, so u pick which one, OK?
Sorry atheists/agnostics for that diatribe. Gotta go out on the patio now with the boss lady; grille out and listen to ACDC. I just hate to see people staking tents on (what I perceive) is least effective side of the creepy line.
Some real rubbish going on here.
If you don’t like JW’s ( or any other salesman! ) or if you don’t want what they offer – tell them to go away. They Will…
It’s that simple so why whine about them. As for Vinny’s diatribe… he’s in serious danger of sounding like a very bitter Ex JW’s. who can no longer play with his mates.
Is any of this Funny ha ha AND funny hmmm… seriously get a life.
@vjohzon – Um… right. You’re saying the rest of the world gives gifts because they feel they MUST? What about the cake? What about the party? You’re free to have your beliefs, but don’t try justifying them to outsiders. And if you don’t want people to think you have sheltered, backwards beliefs, have someone proofread your comments.
Note to regulars, this isn’t an unusually popular article, it’s just that the pro/anti JW folk turn out in small, vocal numbers to attempt indoctrination.
Note to guests and visiting trolls, it won’t work. JW can’t convince the world their beliefs aren’t weird and dangerous, and no amount of reason can rob JWs of their strange, dangerous, unpopular beliefs.
Neener-neeners all around.
your right they don’t have to give gifts when everyone else has to they do it when they want to oh but those people who do feel controled to do it on the those days thats why crime, violence, suicide, and evections are so rampant, it’s no longer a Norman Rockwell picture. But everyone loves a party but there better without the guilt
I’m not ashamed of the fact that I run from them. Actuallly, truth be told, I’m giving THEM a break. Cornered one once and asked all kinds of questions and laid some really heavy stuff on the guy. He eventually chewed his leg off trying to excape my kitchen.
The thing with the Jehovah’s Witnesses is that they are the same fraud for God as the other religions BUT they come on my property in an intrusive manner.
That’s it!
Woo, sure got some funsters representin’ out on this one.
@DataFast – Really? Religionism isn’t a word? That rocks my very foundation.
@Vinny – I appreciate your passion, but some would argue you can say the same things about all religions. Personally, I don’t think people run from JW because it’s dangerous (they’d have to get to know about it to make that decision.) They run from it because it suuuuuucks. No birthdays? No Christmas? Weekends knocking on doors? Only get to hang with other JWs? All those rules and no afterlife? Blech! Keep it!
@SHAUN – Don’t call god a bigot! Just because you think he taught man to do abortions and identity theft (two things apparently on equal footing?) doesn’t give you the right to smack-talk the golden robe guy.
@liberties-taken – You may not have written it to ruffle feathers, but that’s why I approved it. People with unpopular, passionately held beliefs are always vocal. This story is getting an unusual amount of clicks from being emailed around. You struck a nerve on both sides. Good work.
I wish all the fiction written about us was admitted to.
Examine a trees ‘own’ leaves to assess its integrity. Examine the pages of our publications. Regards.
This article wasn’t written to make fun of anybody’s religion, or any geographical region. This article was written to point out: in any society there are those willing to single out some group we don’t know much about, for the sake of their own personal goals.
No offense to Jehovah Witnesses or the great state of AL, in which the longest natural arch east of Rockies is located.
I am amazed at how ignorant this guy is. he said “God wouldn’t allow humans to learn how to give life-saving blood transfusions, if we weren’t supposed to do them, right?” I had to catch myself….man has found a way to kill with an Nuclear weapon…is that by God’s grace?….man has found many ways of aborting babies….is that by His grace? or how about the many ways man has found to rob others of their identity? this guy is a bigot and nothing good will come his way.
Close enough to the Onion. Take a better look around. You may just be surprised.
Thanks for a good laugh. I will be wary of Glossynews articles from now on. I first thought I was on the Onion site…
Look at the line under the Glossynews.com graphic: Proudly feigning concern for credibility…
Please tell me this article is a joke/spoof?
JN.
I don’t think “Religonism” is a word and “Liberties-Taken” isn’t a name. Good thing, because this “post” is so stupid it needs to be clear it’s not to be taken seriously. Quick … someone smash his laptop.