Jason Margwalter, or Talahasee, Florida, recently wed his highschool sweetheart. Since both of them had saved themselves for marriage, allegedly, they had high expectations for their wedding night. Not all went quite to plan, according to new bride Nichole, but thanks to the power of the Bible, Jason had a ready explanation.
“I can’t say everything went like it should have,” said a sweaty, satisfied Margwalter near the ice-maker in the Tampa Motel 6. “After all these years of waiting, it was a serious load off my sack to finally have marital relations [with a real, human woman, who was not a gym sock by proxy.]”
Nichole, who repeatedly refused our requests to be interviewed on the record, reluctantly explained off-the-record that she “kind of expected it to last more than ten seconds.” and that she “didn’t think it was going to hurt so bad, or leave [her] so disappointed.”
Nichole’s maiden name is Johnstone, and her family lives in Jacksonville.
Mr. Margwalter explained that he was only doing the Lord’s work, and walking in the path of Christ, invoking Jesus with the passage “behold, I come quickly – Malachi 3:1”.
The new Mrs. Margwalter felt more like the lamb to the slaughter, in this situation.