Coming off the self-proclaimed super success of his Restoring Honor Rally in Washington, D.C., Glenn Beck has reached the level of leadership needed to take his prophetic brand of hegemony to the next level.
But is his firebrand flavor of beliefs different enough and believable enough to catch on with the majority of Christians who are tired of being lied to?
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Those close to him claim that Beck so strongly regards his philosophy that he has created a whole new belief system, or religion if you will, which he has called Ameri-Mormonistianity, though the Ameri prefix is regarded as redundant, and is generally not used.
In an effort to try and explain his new-found, newly branded religion, Beck told his radio listening audience that, “if anyone is confused about what to believe, it is this little buckaroo. Believe you me, I have been searching for a belief system practically all my life. First of all, I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith, but kind of lost my way in the worship of debauchery. When I found my way, it turned out I felt I had been on the wrong road all along. So what did I do? I took the first right over onto Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Avenue smack dab in the middle of Mormontown.”
Yes, as usual, Beck was unable to actually coherently explain his early worship years. However, when he began to speak of his new belief system, Mormonistianity, a spark ignited and he was once again able to speak semi-eloquently about what he hopes to accomplish with his new religion. “Well, first and foremost, let’s get one thing clear, in order for a new religion to survive, it needs a central place of worship, or as I like to call it blind faith fellowship.” Beck then walked over to his chalkboard not realizing his radio listeners couldn’t see what he was doing, and began to scribble stuff on it.
“And so,” said Beck, “as you can see from what I’ve written on this blackboard, it will take $213 million dollars to build the Mormonistianity Temple of Fellowship in my home town of New Canaan, and I’m asking all of you to not only dig deep into your pockets to give to this brand new religion I’ve concocted, but to also keep your Bibles, but put them down for a few minutes and free up some time to read my new book ‘Beck’s Blue Blazes Bibliography: the Teachings of Ameri-Mormonistianity’.”
The book is expected to hit bookshelves in time for the crazy holiday selling season, but for reasons not explained, Beck said it wouldn’t drop on “Black Friday”.
You know people would join him as long as he could keep them scared enough.
Actually, if the Mormonistianity doesn’t stick, he may just try the Scientology thing next. Probably an omen.
1) I had hoped this was true when someone sent me this link. Glenn, shine on you crazy diamond
2) This page being saturated with Scientology ads, while not irony, is pretty funny