1. Don’t say REAL MEN DON’T RAPE! That’s essentialist!
But men shouldn’t rape…?
STFU! Essentialist!!!!!
***
2. OMG! Stop comparing the Brotherhood to ISIS!
But they’re theocrats…
OMG! #Hashtag, not all moderate political Islamists!
***
3. How DARE YOU make fun of Jehovah’s Witnesses!
But they don’t allow their kids to get blood transfusions…
OMG! STFU! They’re an oppressed minority! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!
***
4. HATE SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH! WAHHHHHHHHH! ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS A PRIVILEGED, HATEMONGERING BIGOT!
I’m a black transgender autistic gay guy with manic depression and a dodgy knee.
YEAH BUT YOU’RE A MALE! SO YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY SPEAKING AS A MALE!!!!!!
A trans male.
OMG!… ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?! WHAT A PATHETIC SELLOUT! FUCK YOU, YOU TREACHEROUS UNCLE TOM!!!!!!!!!
***
5. SO WHAT IF WOMEN IN SAUDI ARABIA ‘HAVE TO’ WEAR THE BURQA! STOP CRITICIZING THEIR FUCKIN’ CULTURE, YOU IMPERIALIST POS!
I thought you were a feminist?
NO, I’M AN INTERSECTIONAL THIRD-WAVE POSTSTRUCTURALIST POST-META-PAN-TRANS-META-NOMIC-A-GENDERIST! GET IT RIGHT, DOUCHEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!! STOP TRIGGERING ME!!!!!!!!!
But shouldn’t people stand against rape culture?
YES! YES! YES WE SHOULD! I mean, ACTUAL RAPE CULTURE! LIKE MANSPREADING! AND TWITTER MICROAGGRESSIONS! AND CHARLIE HEBDO!
***
6. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE THE MYANMAR GOVERNMENT? YOU DESPICABLE FAUX-LEFTIST MORON!
Who am I NOT to criticize them?! I’ll criticize whoever the hell I want, you freakin’ idiot!
STOP YOUR ABLEIST SLURS!
These backward, reactionary regressives deserve nothing but contempt.
OMG! STFU, RETARD! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! STOP COLONIZING MYANMAR! #HASHTAG! #NOTALLBUDDHISTS!!!!!!
I didn’t say I wanted to colonize them. I merely wrote an article drawing attention to the human rights abuses there. I wasn’t lobbying anyone, or doing any kind of activism. I was talking about some of the problems there, that’s my job as a journalist!
FREEDOM OF SPEECH STFU! IMPERIALIST SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
7. WTF? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, BIOLOGICAL SEX IS A QUESTION OF BRUTE FACTS?! THE NATURAL SCIENCES ARE SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED, DOUCHEBAG!
Gender is historically and culturally contingent, but biology is a matter of brute material facts.
STFU! THERE ARE NO FACTS, ONLY INTERPRETATIONS! STFU, JUST YOU , YOU, YOU… YOU… IGNORANT RIGHT-WING BIGOT!
Well… apart from the brute fact you just threw at me from your half-digested Nietzsche Wiki-binge the other late-night-Tweetie-time.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
Another Social Justice Head explodes.
In a galaxy far far away (mainstream dead white guy physic-a-cab-ly speaking, at least), Planets Xenu and Kolob shiver to their very timbers, in utter galactico-megalopolitan terror…