“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed.

Line cook Jeremy Stevens added his two cents, “We are used to middle-aged Satan worshipping tattooed fatties ordering extra gravy for their coleslaw. You know, the dump truck driver types that smoke two packs a day.

I guess I can’t blame them, coleslaw is the work of the devil, and a little gravy might make it tolerable.”

Hard-hitting investigative journalism provided more details about what they were talking about. Cool hat guys just don’t go to establishments like KFC. They are generally part of the “Buy Local” crowd.

You might find them in local coffee shops and brew pubs, and at Whole Foods buying locally grown kale for a wild dinner party. They like their wine from France, their mechanics are German, and their interior decorators are, well, a little light on their feet if you catch our drift.

They won’t be caught dead driving down the expressway in an American automobile, and you will never find them at a chain fast food restaurant. God forbid, if you ever see them with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in one hand and a red box of french fries  in the other call the F.B.I., ’cause something bad is about to go down.

That is why this story is so amazing. What was he doing in a local KFC? Why didn’t he wear a disguise? Is he a newbie to the cool hat guy craze? Was he there on orders from his pregnant wife? These are all questions we would like to ask the cool hat guy, but he left just as quick as he came. Life a thief in the night, like Batman in his cape, he was gone in a flash.

We may never know the answers to life’s difficult questions, and cool hat guys like this may never return to Kentucky Fried Chicken. All we can do is hope. Maybe if we all have a little faith, he will return once again to help solve this mystery.