It’s finally happened. The non-traditional sexuality and gender communities have exhausted the alphabet in their attempts to include everyone under one umbrella acronym.
Starting in the 1990s, those of different sexual persuasions started describing themselves as part of the LGBT or lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community.
That designation worked for a while until some smaller marginalized minorities voiced their concerns.
That led to the longer coinage LGBTQQ which tacked on “queer” and “questioning” to the non-heterosexual, non-missionary-style grab bag. But even that six-letter acronym did not prove sufficient to include everyone.
More recently folks have adopted the abbreviation LGBTTQQIAAP which seeks to add transsexual, intersex, asexual, ally and pansexual to the mix.
Although partially successful in its attempt at inclusivity, this new term does not roll easily off the tongue or any other appendage for that matter.
The latest attempt at bringing all non-heteros under one big tent is a simple recitation of the entire 26-letter English alphabet. “C” for example is for “curious”, “D” is for “deviant”, “E” is for “exhibitionist”, “F” is for “foot fetishist” and so on.
It appeared that this new term would be the final answer to the naming conundrum. The non-traditional sex communities not only had their own rainbow flag but now also had their own hymn, namely “The Alphabet Song.”
But the search is apparently not over yet as newly-identified groups have come forward objecting that their sexual preference of choice is not covered by the 26 letters of the English language.
Lonely Hellenic shepherds and American college frat boys of various sexual persuasions wish to include most of the Greek alphabet.
Vladimir Putin is reportedly lobbying for the inclusion of at least some members of the Cyrillic alphabet and the singer formerly and currently known as Prince wants his unique self-identifying Love Symbol to be added to the mix.
One frustrated lexicographer has proposed that the world simply be divided into two sexual camps: “heterosexuals” and “the rest.”
The National Breadstick Association appreciates your support. The Olive Garden did an injustice to these great creatures. The world needs more kindhearted folk like yourselves.
Different people have different uses for breadsticks, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I agree! However, I continue to support LGBBT – Lovers of Garden Breadstick Basket Theory. The non-profit organization discusses why people used to love the Olive Garden so much, to the point that it succumbed to extinction. The organization believes that breadsticks bring people closer together and does not judge sexual preference.
I think that’s really going to throw our gay acronym balance of trade deficit with China out of whack.