Categorized | Human Interest

American Babies Now ‘Made in China’

American Babies Now ‘Made in China’

Nowadays, Americans would be hard-pressed to find an item for sale that doesn’t have the ‘Made in China’ stamp on it. Go to any box store and chances are whatever you are buying was either manufactured, processed, assembled, or designed in China.

And now, believe it or not, you can also get a newborn baby, gender of your choice, made in China. The babies, guaranteed to be of 100% American mixed blood (what child in America today is 100% anything?), and they come in a variety of skin tones, from freckled to brown, tan to olive.

The company, New Life Newborns®, assures us that their product is not only 100% legal, but the children are guaranteed to be genetically superior to any babies born in the United States.

How can they do this? They will not tell us, as they claim the process of producing and selling these babies is patented and so simple that if they were to divulge their secret, there would be too many “knock-off” companies selling cheaper and inferior babies.

In addition, the agency fears that babies produced in China, if not strictly monitored, could end up in the wrong hands. That is why they take every precaution to assure that the babies are sold to families who have gone through a strict vetting process, including a complete FBI background check.

If interested, prospective parents can contact New Life Newborns® through their local county, state or federal adoption agency.

And if you are wondering if these babies have the “Made in China” stamp on them, the answer is yes. The mark is tattooed on the bottom of the left foot of every baby manufactured, er born.


This post was written by

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P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at


12 Responses to “American Babies Now ‘Made in China’”

  1. I think I know how the Chinese make these babies. They spy on Americans to learn the secret of the birds and the bees and then they copy the performance of those maneuvers.

  2. Jose Luis says:


  3. P. Beckert says:

    I was thinking more test tube kinda stuff, but hey, what do I know? They wouldn’t divulge their secrets.

  4. rfreed says:

    Strange- I once thought of doing a story like this myself and then must have forgotten about it.

  5. Angie J says:

    They come in black?

  6. P. Beckert says:

    Freed, I looked through the archives and found nothing similar. If there is a question, please e-mail me.

  7. Mad Max says:

    I think since one in four babies born in the world are chinese they’ve probably got the manufacturing process down

  8. rfreed says:

    I never said I actually wrote one, I just thought about it.
    Of course, maybe I could sue for someone stealing my thoughts……

  9. P. Beckert says:

    Have at it. About all you’d get is what’s in my pocket right now–a big wad of lint and a button.

  10. T.J. Carter says:

    I like how it says “hecho en China” in the picture. Gotta love those Spanish-speaking Chinese baby makers!

  11. P. Beckert says:

    Thanks to Brian for his photoshopping genius.

  12. Deeptrout says:

    I don’t think you’ve quite got TJ figured out yet…


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