Millions of Children Suddenly Disappear and Reappear While Getting Dressed

Parents are still coping with the devastation left by this morning’s widespread disappearance of children across the US. Panic swept the nation as millions of households counted the youngest members of their families among those missing.

“He was there one moment putting his shirt on,” explains Utah mother Blaire Page, “And then he was gone.” But this inexplicable phenomenon took an even more startling turn for the Page family just moments later. “There he was again. As if nothing had happened.”

This story is not unique among the shaken families. Among every parent interviewed, the facts are consistent: A young child, between one and three-years-old, putting on a shirt suddenly disappears and then reappears without explanation.

There has not yet been a strong link made to any particular brand, style, color, or material of shirt, though few button-ups are known to have been involved.

Further bewildering parents is the inexplicable persistence of their child’s auditory presence. Although the children disappeared from their parents’ vision, the ability to communicate verbally remained. “I could still hear him,” says Ohio native Michael Paddington.

According to Mr. Paddington, this channel of communication did little to illuminate the nature of the disappearances, children apparently being just as confounded as their parents: “’Where’s Mikey?’ I asked, but all I heard in response was his little voice echoing back ‘Where’s Mikey?’”

Then, as quickly as each episode began, it ended. Parents report that only moments after the disappearances, their children reappeared, completely dressed. While most have reported great relief at the reunion with their lost children, conspiracy theorists around the country remain suspicious.

One such theorist who wished to remain anonymous explains his fears: “The fact they were taken is not scary at all. It is that they were sent back that worries me.” Sent back by whom, some wonder as they speculate the potential damage of a nation filled with toddlers programmed for rebellion.

Authorities still have yet to determine the cause of the disappearances, leaving parents fearful of what may happen this evening when they remove their children’s shirts.