Helen Dragas Voted UVA’s “Most Admired”

As Thomas Jefferson looks down from his cloudy suite in heaven, he must be exceedingly proud of UVA for its latest attempt at breaking the status quo in popular trends.

According to a poll released Sunday morning, Board of Visitors Rector Helen Dragas is the University’s Most Admired person, with 70 percent of the student body giving her their support.

Dragas’ high approval comes in the aftermath of her recent reappointment by the Virginia Legislature following a contentious battle last summer which saw UVA President Teresa Sullivan removed from office and then reinstated. Great outrage towards Dragas ensued from the leadership scandal, but it appears the tides have turned.

Speaking to the press outside his dorm, the only student who supported Dragas from the start gloated over the historical high ground he now enjoys. Viktor Votti explained that “All the anti-Dragas people should surrender, for I have the high ground,” and added, “Only morons deal in absolutes.”

A small and bedraggled force of “Dump Dragas” supporters gathered on the University’s Lawn late Sunday to weep softly while Rebecca Black crooned a soulful rendition of “This is My Moment.” Though few attended the protest, leader Billy Bob Treves (whose nickname is BBT) promised reporters that his followers will abstain from eating all processed corporate food in the dining halls until Dragas has been voted Most Despicable, a title currently held by the generic straight and conservative white man. BBT quietly lamented that “If Dragas was a man, this never would have happened.”

Other contenders in the poll were Sullivan, who took 9 percent, “Gangnam Style” artist Psy, who received 6 percent, and the group Anonymous, which finished with 15 percent of the vote.

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