Zambia’s Political ‘Porno’ Pantomime

The topsy-turvy world of African patronage politics and the executive rule of law have just received not only a good shake up but a sound and square kick in the proverbial goolies – with Zambian President Rupiah Jaffacake being equally ridiculed as a total moron and castigated as a slack-arsed administrative failure of the Nth Degree by every jackhole and his dog – both at home and abroad.

The ridicule and castigation factors spring from the arrest and trial of Zambian crusading journalist Miss Chansa Kabwela for pornography charges after hand delivering news photos of a woman giving birth in the back of a taxi on Lusaka’s main hospital forecourt to a number of prominent business people, women’s rights groups and the government officials responsible for the pathetic health service in the dystopian basket case Third World country.

The incident occurred during a nationwide nurses’ strike over conditions and pay (the nurses wanted some) with the mother being turned away from two other hospitals before her child started to be delivered in a breech birth position, with the head still inside the mother and the umbilical cord wound tightly around its neck – which resulted in its death through strangulation.

Upon receiving the photos from Ms. Kabwela and her letter of protest at government inaction in resolving the strike, Zambian President Rupiah Jaffacake described the photos as pornographic and ordered Kabwela’s arrest.

Obviously ‘pornography’ was, in this case, reclassified to equate as anything that showed the Pres’ and his useless corrupt administration up in a bad light.

The main foundation of Ms. Kabwela’s defence was that she had, as a responsible journalist and concerned citizen, acting in the public good, sent the photographs in protest at the effects of the strike that had paralysed the country’s hospitals and caused unnecessary suffering – and death.

So President Jaffacake’s Director of Public Prosecutions was instructed to charge Ms. Kabwela with not only ‘distributing pornography’ – which carries a mere five year’s hard labour sentence – but also ‘sedition’ and ‘acts of domestic terrorism’ for attempting to undermine his Presidential authority and cause a ‘revolution’.

Fortunately in this case – as with all pantomimes posing as governments – when run solely on the vehicles of nepotism and corruption – the right hand rarely knows what the left is doing.

Mr. Benson O’Dinga, the magistrate trying the case, informed the court that he had heard nothing to indicate the photographs were obscene – or been presented with evidence that affirmed such – apart from the President’s personal – and unqualified – opinion.

Obviously it was a gross mistake to have Magistrate O’Dinga judge the case as he and President Jaffacake were known to be from differing political camps and who had an established past record of calling each other idiots at every available opportunity – with both parties being perfectly correct on each successive occasion.

Declaring the charges against Ms. Kabwela to be politically motivated, O’Dinga acquitted her and dismissed said charges of ‘distributing obscene material with intent to corrupt public morals’, ‘sedition’ and ‘domestic terrorism’.
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Outside the court, Ms Kabwela – who is news editor for The Zambian Shitraker – described the verdict as a victory for everyone affected by the strike.

“This victory to me is a victory for those that suffered during the strike and for the nurses who now might get paid all their overdue back salaries.”

However the last word went to President Jaffacake who told Fux News “Dis Kabwela bitch has done pursued de government wid allegations of graft and corruption and nepotism and I make no secret of de fact I dislike de paper.”

“What do dese people tink we go into politics for – pro-bono public service? We go so we can make a few kwachas extra for our retirement – or better still pounds and dollars and euros.”
“Now I have to go before another monkey pisses on me.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com