David Letterman’s Top-10 Countdown to Adultery Absolution

Alleged philanderer David Letterman has recently found himself at the losing end of an extortion/cover-up of his extra-extra-extra marital affairs having taken place between himself and an undisclosed, but presumably impressive, number of his female staff members.

Letterman chose to outsmart his own stupidity by wisely making public the foolish brilliance of this sagely foolhardy plan.

Presented here are the top ten things David Letterman considered before he finally called the police to report the extortion:

  • 10. I should no longer hand out candy to interns.
  • 9. Rangers cheerleaders squad can’t be considered as interns in the future.
  • 8. Let my Viagra prescription run out, no matter how many refills it has left.
  • 7. Consider run for Mayor of Washington D.C.and appoint “That bitch that set me up” as drug czar.
  • 6. Don’t schedule any more sexual harassment training sessions at Hooters.
  • 5. Show wife the blackmailer’s pictures to get her opinion on the hot babes.
  • 4. Invite Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, and Eliot Spitzer to be ethics panelists for future show.
  • 3. Invite President Clinton to appear to explain how that whole cigar thing blew over.
  • 2 No longer refer to new positions on my staff as “soul mates”.
  • 1. Invite Bristol Palin and her sister to studio for surprise, on-air make-out session with A-Rod. Should at least score hetero points with Alex.
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    Article co-written by Bob van der Valk and Brian K. White.

    Author: Badlands Bob

    Bob van der Valk is a Petroleum Industry Consultant with over 50 years of experience in the petroleum industry living in Terry, Montana.. He is articulate and precise in his explanations of supply & demand patterns, pricing and logistics in the refining and marketing of fuel in these markets. He has been quoted by the print news media as well as on T.V. and radio. His opinions have also been solicited by government entities, besides his ongoing daily business of running large scale fuel supply and marketing operations for his clients.

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