Wilbur, Kansas – 29-year-old Marketing Manager, Larry Rossgarden, has considered himself to be a procrastinator since his college days at the University of Kansas, where he would consistently delay writing papers and studying for exams until literally minutes before they were due or set to occur.
Since then, his bad habit has gotten him kicked out of school, fired from 23 different jobs and resulted in the termination of a longstanding relationship with his college sweetheart, Lisa Janks.
To make matters worse, Rossgarden’s doctor has informed him that his procrastination has now mutated into a case of decidophobia or a fear of making decisions.
“As a doctor of over 30 different disciplines, I’m very confident in my diagnosis of Larry’s illness. Due to his inability to cure his procrastinationism, the disease has continued to grow and has transformed into a monster sickness that modern medicine has never seen before!” Said Rossgarden’s Primary Care Physician, Heinrich T. Heimichschlopper, while contemplating whether or not to shred an expired prescription for his patient from 2005.
Rossgarden has been able to trace the onset of his decidophobia to the breakup with his most recent girlfriend that occurred in late August of last year. “She broke up with me due to my inability to decide whether or not we should break up,” Rossgarden stated, while mulling over whether or not he should be shedding a tear.
His girlfriend, Lisa Janks, then called him two weeks following the split on September 10th and requested that he remove his things from their apartment. “I made the calendar reminder as soon as she called and removed my items the very next day, but haven’t been able to dismiss the task in my Outlook calendar,” Rossgarden added.
The calendar reminder currently stands at 31 weeks overdue, approximately 217 days. Although his doctor believes he can overcome the disease with a simple dismissal of this event reminder, Rossgarden continues to maintain his wavering mindset and has not determined if he will ever be able to overcome it.