Listen all you wayward citizens of the world, a new day dawned a couple months back, and the answers to your questions is here. His name is Hank, and he will tackle anything you can throw at him. But Hank needs your help. Hank needs more questions to answer.
Do you want advice? Do you need it like a stripper needs another fifteen bucks before she can go home without owing the house money?
– What makes women tick?
– Why Brangelina won’t respond to your love notes?
– What you should reveal on Jerry Springer?
– How many more times you should do that before finally admitting it?
– Why those damn bumps itch so bad?
– Should I give up and just pop it already?
– What to do to finally land that job as a trucker’s assistant?
– Why even Bourbon gives you whiskey-dick?
– Or anything else you could want to know!!!
Truth is we’ve got Hank locked up in a semi-exclusive contract here, and though he might not admit it, he loves Glossy News and wants nothing but the best for our readers.
Sure he’s gruff at times, and his advice has led to at least a handful of lesser misdemeanor arrests, but he’s here week-in and week-out bestowing the brilliance of his best-not-counted decades all over us like so much Tabasco atop a fine Denver omelet.
If you’ve got a burning question, or some part of you that’s burning, and you need answers, Hank is here to “help”, but he can’t do it without you asking. We tried that card trick for almost an hour the other day, he sure as hell can’t read minds.
Please submit questions for Hank to lavish the wisdom he’s earned the hardest way. This is open to new readers of Glossy News, old readers of Glossy News, or writers on Glossy News.
The more questions we ask, the less he has time to drink, and both his wife and the Sherriff agree, that’s a good thing, so help out his wife and dog by making devil’s playthings of his idle hands, which makes no sense, but that’s kind of our thing around here.
Submit questions to Hank using our Contact Page, or post them in the comments below if you don’t feel like going through the trouble. Then just sit back and watch as all your problems are “solved” in short order… meaning over the course of some number of Sundays after now.