Air India Title Fight – Pilots vs Cabin Crew

Further scandal hits basket case Air India with news that pilots and cabin crew manning an international flight bound for Dehli got into an argument because the flight route had to be changed last minute because of a huge storm causing the flight time to be much longer than expected. 

The ‘air rage’ scuffle is reported to have begun as an argument in the plane’s cockpit over claims of sexual harassment but spilled into the galley, causing several startled passengers to actually shit their pants.

Both pilots and three air hostesses suffered bruises, contusions, minor lacerations and missing teeth, as punches and kicks were thrown – along with a drinks trolley, wine bottles and a fire extinguisher. The navigator collapsed after being kicked in the bollocks by the poofta male steward and suffered an inguinal hernia.

The incident took place over Pakistan on Scare India flight IC 844 from Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates to Delhi, with 106 passengers and seven punchy flight crew on board the A330-200 aircraft.

Reportedly the cabin crew reacted violently and in unison when the pilots and navigator sexually harassed a 16-year-old air hostess while she served them with their sixth round of complimentary glasses of champagne and curried rhubarb samozas.

Apparently Ms Nymphella Chuckabutty, a trainee stewardess, was bending over to serve Chief Pilot Ramjam Jaffacake his Cold Duck bubbly when inebriated Navigation Officer Randii Ramm groped her exposed crotch then demanded an all-round blow job for the cockpit staff as a start to her three-hole initiation ceremony.

Scare India has grounded the pilots and crew involved and launched an inquiry.
According to reports quoting the Delhi police the pilots and navigator were accused of trying to “molest” a female flight attendant who resisted their advances and ran from the cockpit screaming and in a state of semi-undress.

In her police statement Ms Chuckabutty alleged she was “abused and groped” by the navigator and pilots inside the cockpit when she refused to grant “personal favours” such as suck and swallow and submit to their Happy Hindu triple hole penetration ritual.

But Sky’s Sacred Cow news channel reports that the pilots made a counter-claim, stating that the sexual harassment charge was an attempt to divert attention from accusations of misconduct against the gay male flight attendant who offered his ‘services’ to the flight crew.

However Delhi Airport Police Chief Toothbrush Dalit informed a reporter from the Air Rage Gazette that the pilots – possibly due their state of intoxication after swilling freebie champers throughout the flight – had perjured themselves by denying their lecherous advances against Ms. Chuckabutty as the entire rape and ruin escapade had been taped by the in-flight black box recorder – and the cockpit’s CCTV camera.

“These bad scallie bastards have now been charged with ‘outraging the modesty of a woman’ and won’t be flying any more of Scare India’s planes after terrifying the passengers to the point of involuntary bowel movements.”

First Class passenger Mr Bullfrog Brahmin – a 24/7 Stop and Rob Poundland tycoon – told a reporter from Fux News “The stewardess Miss Chuckabutty staggered out of the cockpit with her knickers around her ankles and tits hanging out – screaming her effin’ head off – pursued by the navigator bloke who had his cock in his hand and was shouting “Suck this bitch” before being head-butted and kicked in the goolies by the faggot cabin steward.”

“Personally the entire fiasco was typical of what one has come to expect when flying Scare India – but a definite live entertainment improvement on the screened in-flight Bollywood movie – Scumbog Zillionaire.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via

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