ANDERSON – In what has become a sensational development, sources today confirmed the discovery of life on the surface of Marsh – the Indianapolis-based food retail store.
It was previously believed that life could not flourish on the store’s floor, but recent studies have unearthed a plethora of biped-like creatures roaming the surface looking for food.
“It is truly one of the most remarkable observations in the history of retail,” said researcher Lillian Mullen.
“These ape-descended creatures, who mostly appear to be primitive in their genetic make-up, move from one territory to another, gathering sources of nutrition before seemingly migrating elsewhere.
We’re not talking about intelligent life-forms here, but the fact that they are living and breathing is a start.”
Meanwhile, cross-examination of the clothing choices and hairstyles of the life-forms would appear to place the origin of the species at around 1987.