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World’s First Obedient Cat Stuns Scientists

World’s First Obedient Cat Stuns Scientists

Providence, RI – Sir Wiggims, the 12-pound Persian who belongs to Sherry and Gordon Foster is not any ordinary house cat. In fact, most who see him in action wonder if he is indeed a dog in cat’s clothing. That’s because Wiggims behaves nothing like what we normally associate with cats.

While cats are distant to the point of being downright rude, this cat appears to crave attention and appears to possibly even care about his owners. Even his markings make him look somewhat like a Shih Tzu instead of a Persian.

“Yeah, I know,” said Sherry, “we thought it odd as well. When our Sir Wiggims was born, almost from day one, he would gingerly step up and beg to be held and cuddled. We were speechless. His mother was the typical ‘unless you are putting food in my dish, or cleaning my litter box, I’ll thank you kindly to stay the hell away from me’ but Sir Wiggims was all over us.”

The Fosters were convinced Sir Wiggims was unlike any other cat when one day Gordon called for Wiggims and instead of Wiggims standing up, stretching, and lying back down in total oblivion of Gordon’s need for attention,” he got up right away and walked over to where I was sitting and actually stood loyally at my feet until I told him he could get on my lap, and he jumped in my lap. I was incredulous!”

Scientists are studying Sir Wiggims to find out exactly what it is that makes him act more like a canine than a feline. “To get at the true heart of the mystery, we would have to kill Mr. Wiggims and study his brain, but unfortunately, the Fosters are unwilling to allow us to do so. For the time being, we must be content with having an animal behaviorist study Sir Wiggims in the family environment, cataloguing his various abnormal traits to see just how far off the beaten path this cat is.”

Among other things Sir Wiggims does that has everyone scratching their heads is the fact that he will eat his food, drink his water, and never once go to the middle of the dining room table and throw it all back up like his mother often does. “He actually eats and keeps the food down, which is a real puzzler,” said Sherry. In addition, when playing with a string, Sir Wiggims will let us touch it to pick it up off the ground without slicing across our hand with his claws like other cats. In fact, he will pick the string up and bring it to us to throw it to him over and over again. He also prefers having us trim his nails as opposed to sharpening them on the living room furniture.”

Unfortunately, the Fosters had Sir Wiggims neutered when he was just a pup, err kitten, and therefore, he is considered to be the only one of his kind in existence. “If we’d have known the full extent of Sir Wiggims’ abilities, we’d have allowed him to breed these incredible characteristics into other cats so that a new, loving breed could exist,” said Gordon.

“Yes, we could have been millionaires. Imagine having more cats like Sir Wiggims. There’d be no need to ever have to put up with those other annoying cat breeds again,” said Sherry as she summoned Sir Wiggims to fetch the evening paper.

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P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.

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