Late one night last week, while she was in her compartment on the Lear60 from Fox leaving New York, Sarah and Todd were working on her autobiography. As they began to brainstorm, with the help of a ‘relaxation substance’ Sarah began to capture some of the things that make her unique.
Here is her list. One is advised to compare these items closely to any girl a feller might want to get ‘serious’ with.
How did I get this paper? Truth to power, I clean the Lear60 when it gets back to Wasilla and I found it in the trash.
You are an Americana Palinicannabis if
… you think Thunderbird or Night Train are acceptable wine pairings with bean burritos.
… you really think pairing wine and food is only done in the lower 48.
… you’ve ever named a child for a tree part or geographical feature.
… your kids think ‘home school’ is a multiple choice question.
… you think a border is someone who lives on the back porch.
… your front porch has a view of Russia.
… you think luggage lifters are for real.
… you believe that abstinence-only programs shouldn’t be talked about in mixed company.
… you believe that our globe is plenty warm enough, thank you very much.
… you think towards the end of any race, if you aren’t winning, it’s ok to quit running.
… you’ve been teached that retards are for keeping your legs warm.
… hearing “Only dead fish go with the flow…” causes you to think “cheap dinner”.
… you’ve ever had to appear in court due to a small, sawn-out ‘hole’ in your fence.
… you’ve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a ping-pong table during a game.
… you think genitalia is an Italian airline.
… you think the stock market should have a fence around it.
… you think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing a creek.
… you’re a woman who can field dress a moose.
… you think people who have ‘lectricty are not really Americans.
… you have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
Think you got better ones? List ’em in the comments below — let’s see what you got.