China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China’s space program has enjoyed successes at a price previously unmatched by any space program. Not the US nor former Soviet Union, not even Canadians have been able to make strides in pace with the Chinese,, and not even because a typical Asian stride is so much shorter based on height alone.

NASA as well as other “NASA wannabe” administrations around the world have applauded China’s successes in advanced rocketry capable of successfully putting short men in low Earth orbits. Gar Schwanz from Germany’s Advanced Rocket Propulsion Laboratory hails these developments as “the most exciting advancement in rocketry capable of delivery a nuclear payload to the United States since 1960.”

The next milestone is already on the calendar. China will visit the very same fake lunar landing sight celebrated by Neil Armstrong in 1969. Nie Lo Hung from the Mao to Moon headquarters in Beijing says, “We can’t do this without the help of America. They are the only ones who’ve ever faked a moon landing before and without their (no-way) know-how and US moon props we can’t hope to be successful.”

Officials at NASA, some of whom still insist the Apollo missions were real, say they will help China towards their goal of lunar exploration. Nie Lo Hung explains that they must help. “Is much better to give us cameras and props then have us go to the moon and prove we never went. The ’69 Runar Rover work flawlessly, but the ’74 Pinto blow up in low-speed collisions? Please, do math.”

In light of countless subsequent astro-science failures from a string of defunct Mars Landings to killing the only Jew to ever fly on a space shuttle, NASA has had very little comment about the validity of Lunar missions. An automated message line at NASA offers possible excuses for these failures strangely including 9/11, El Nino, global warming, and fluoridated water.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.