Boston, MA – GlossyNews – The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against terrorism. All agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade and proceeds from a grant from DC Comics.
The glasses, once thought to be an inferior item found in the classifieds of comic books and magazines, attracted the attention of Homeland Security purchasing agents who are always on the lookout for new items and other stupid ways to waste taxpayers money.
Bought with a generous grant from the comic book leader, the x-ray glasses cost the government $1.98 each, plus 2 box tops from a box of Wheaties. Each pair also includes a ‘secret’ decoder ring with whistle, a magnifying glass, and an official badge!
Janet Napolitano, the head of Homeland Security, demonstrated a pair by peering at a group of French college students arriving at Logan Airport. Napolitano passed the X-ray glasses around so everyone could see the latest in European underwear fashion.
The TSA workers declined without comment, but later revealed why. Most were worried that they might accidently catch a glance of Napolitano by mistake, and with it being just after lunch and all, they didn’t want to risk getting ill.