PhD Thesis Lists “Yahoo Answers” as Source

MIT has become embroiled in a massive academic scandal after the discovery that one of its PhD students’ thesis utilized Yahoo Answers as a source.

Although details are still murky, sources inside the university claim PhD candidate Phillip Kwon inserted the citation as the 84th footnote for his doctoral thesis on Intermolecular Transpiration, which he defended before a committee last spring.

The citation was discovered by troubled maintenance worker Matt Damon, who proceeded to report Kwon by screaming profanities at a visiting psychology professor from Bunker Hill Community College.

The question Kwon cited asked, How many atoms are in a regressive neutron?” Self-described expert Billy Morton answered four, backing his reply with the PhD he earned in 1992 from Wowdawg University, an unaccredited holistic arts academy.

Confronted by the press outside his McKinsey and Company office, Kwon stood by his use of Yahoo Answers, arguing “It was a late night and the frat boys were on patrol – what else was I supposed to do? At any rate, Morton’s answer was completely accurate.”

Information gleaned from Ivy League networks suggests many graduate students past and present are sweating heavily. A multi-campus investigation is set to begin on Monday which will seek others who employed the answers site in their theses.

White House insiders also revealed that President Obama is frustrated over the whole affair. He reportedly told Michelle that “If I had known what Kwon does about Yahoo Answers, then maybe I would have a PhD as well. I could’ve built that!”