Evolution Wins Prestigious Overachievement Award

Last week, the Humboldt Overachiever Award for Science and the Humanities was given to none other than The Theory of Evolution—and Dr. Richard Dawkins was there to receive the prize in its stead.

“In the face of impossible odds,” Dr. Dawkins began his speech to the international forum, “Evolution has not only given us a beautiful and remarkable planet on which life can be sustained, it’s also given us ourselves!—wonderfully complex, sentient beings built on replicated code far more advanced than any of today’s modern computers.”

“Not too many people grasp the enormity of Evolution’s accomplishments,” Dr. Dawkins continued. “Only the rarest few appreciate how blind, pitiless indifference has given us justice, beauty, and love and how unguided random processes have built such an astonishingly ordered and statistically improbable universe.”

Dawkins went on to expound all of Evolution’s accolades, and seemed to become most passionate when explaining its greatest achievement: bridging “Einstein’s Gulf”.

“The fact that material objects have spontaneously leapt into the realm of articulate abstract thought by themselves is an achievement of astronomical proportions—surpassed only by the fact that there is anything here at all.”

Though this inimitable award is generally given to a notable scientist or humanitarian for going above and beyond in their field of work, it was determined this year that a theory could also qualify as a recipient.

“The general consensus in the scientific community,” Dr. Dawkins said, “is that this is long overdue. Evolution is not simply this year’s great overachiever; in my mind, it is the most awe-inspiring achievement of a hundred million lifetimes.”

Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

4 thoughts on “Evolution Wins Prestigious Overachievement Award

  1. and in other news, macro evolution also given the Swiss Cheese award for obvious reasons. you know, if things weren’t so political maybe they (scientists in general) could gain a bit more ground in cosmology, etc.

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