News from the Future: Strangely Realistic News Headlines of 2018

In the last couple of years, the world has become a place stranger than anyone would’ve expected.
Donald Trump became the President of the United States, Britain filed for a divorce from the European Union, Saudi Arabia has introduced its first value added tax, and the 17-year-old babysitter next door did her first selfie without a duckface.
Depending on who you ask, the world seems to evolve toward becoming a multi-planetary species or headed toward a nuclear holocaust. And an ever-increasing number of humans torn between the inconvenient truth and the ever-increasing wave of fake news want nothing more than to fill their bellies, drink beer, and use their smartphones to enjoy the best online real money casino games on Wildjack casino. The way things look today, it wouldn’t be a surprise for the news to give us headlines like the ones below in 2018.

Elon Musk Fined for Speeding

Los Angeles (Reuters): The Los Angeles Police Department has issued its largest speeding ticket to date after catching South African innovator and electric car guru Elon Musk – or at least his cherry red Tesla Roadster – exceeding 25,020 mph, which is equal to Earth’s escape velocity. The fact that the car was hidden inside the cargo compartment of the billionaire’s latest Falcon Heavy rocket either. “Speeding is speeding, no matter if the car is electric or rocket-propelled”, the LAPD’s Media Relations Section said in their statement about the matter.

Book Burnings Return to the US

Book burning has returned to the United States, eight years after the Pentagon bought and burned almost 10,000 copies of Lt. Col. Anthony Shaffer’s 2010 book, Operation Dark Heart. This time, it was not a government agency trying to protect national security from leaking classified information. Instead, enraged Trump supporters have been spotted all over the US carrying crates filled with copies of USA Today columnist Michael Wolff’s controversial “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House” and feeding them to the bonfires lit in the middle of the street. Some go as far as to state that the books are just the beginning – Wolff himself will be next.

North Korea Disappears in Surprise Singularity

The world has finally averted its biggest potential nuclear threat: as a result of a nuclear test gone haywire, more than half of North Korea’s surface has been absorbed by what scientists think might have been a singularity (a black hole). “Nobody would have thought that tampering with nuclear power could lead to such an incident”, an unnamed source at CERN told us. “Too bad for the physicists – and their notes – that are now beyond the event horizon”. The surviving members of the North Korean regime have applied for asylum in the US.

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.


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