Dutch engineering company Bleegmaart unt Flargbleers LLC have raised $300 billion already in ther hopes to reclaim “the better bulk” of Lake Ontario, for mixed use apartments, retail and light industrial purposes…
From what used to be the lake.
“We’re fairly adept at reclaiming water into usable land,” said Bjrian Wjhite, a principle at the company. “All we have to do is pump out a bit of water and there you go, usable land.”
The water levels on Lake Ontario have been falling precipitously over the last few decades, but as they are so eager to point out, “it won’t be that hard to push them down even further.”
The plan is to suck out a paltry hundred trillion gallons from the lake over the coming 36-months, dedicating it primarily to the cultivation of tulips in the southwest in states like Utah and New Mexico, and use the new land to foster a new commercial district on the shores; or what used to be the areas a bit of shore of, areas once considered “cheap” and “shit,” to borrow terms from economists who are experts in these areas.
“Oh no, we’ll totally destroy it,” said Armaan Blaaksraaaaaaaa, a person with a name so riddled with “a”s he must clearly be Dutch, despite any attempt to obscure his identity, which he didn’t request…
Oon account of how fully we pumped him with high quality cheese and low-grad heroin.
“I’m… I’m like a cloud floating on… put more Asian women atop me,” said Blaaksraaaaaaaa, adding, “I’m from the Blaaksraaaaaaaa clan of Vanza Skaans, if you want to dox me. Go on, murder my children, I’d honestly prefer it.”
The plan to drain that great lake faces substantial uphill battle, specifically that the Dutch ambassador doesn’t have a membership to Mar-a-Lago, and that Donald Trump has never seen, nor even heard of the great lakes.