Washington, D.C. – In what was hailed as a “good news, bad news” story today out of Washington, Subsidi-Farm, one of the nation’s largest agricultural companies, has been granted a federal contract to develop seedless, irradiated pot, which, among other things, will have a distinct yellow coloration to its leaves. Although seedless, the pot offers the same or better medicinal properties as that grown by private cultivators, due to the fact that all the plants processed will be female.
The good news is that the federal government is giving the green light to Subsidi-Farm to develop this particular strain of seedless marijuana for purposes of supplying it to government storehouses and eventually distributing it to the hundreds of marijuana dispensaries popping up in states that have passed legislation legalizing medical marijuana. The weed is said be far superior to any grown by private farms and remains completely safe for consumption by card-carrying medical marijuana users. In addition, the irradiation process ensures purity and total consistency without producing any long-term ill effects for its users.
The bad news for private cultivators is that this particular marijuana plant, known as SF-MM151, will become the only legal marijuana in the United States. The government reiterated that the plant will be strictly controlled. USDA is expected to hire and train several hundred cannabis specialists to regularly inspect medical marijuana dispensaries and “smoke houses” throughout the United States, with the sole purpose of confiscating any marijuana that does not bear the trademark Subsidi-Farm bright yellow hue.
Mellow Yellow Marijuana
Medical marijuana dispensaries will be required to obtain both federal and state certification, akin to liquor licenses, in order to dispense the government pot. Licenses are expected to run in the tens of thousands of dollars; however, when compared to the enormous amount of revenues expected to be generated by medical marijuana dispensaries, the licensing fees should not create any protests.
Already, growers in California and Washington State are attempting to duplicate Subsidi-Farm’s patented plants, dubbed “mellow yellow,” but none have been successful. A Subsidi-Farm spokesperson told us that the process whereby ordinary pot such as California Bud or Maui Waui is irradiated and colored naturally involves a top-secret technology; it is virtually impossible to duplicate by even the most sophisticated pot growers.
What this means for the future of medical marijuana is that folks can stop fighting over their rights to use it. Smoke houses and marijuana cafes can stay open to dispense the product in an environment free from harassment by local police, providing, of course, they follow the strict FDA, DEA, USDA and local government guidelines for obtaining and dispensing mellow yellow from their storefronts. The distinct coloration of the pot will make it easy for agents to distinguish whether dispensary owners are trying to pass off artificially-colored pot for the irradiated Subsidi-Farm variety.
Some Republican congressmen, especially those in states that have laws legalizing medical marijuana, see this as an attempt by the Obama administration to use socialist methods to control yet another aspect of American life. Conversely, most Democrats see it as a logical step in the right direction: a solution to a problem that not only makes the majority of Americans happy but also lines the government’s pockets with much-needed regulatory revenues that can fund other social and educational programs hard hit by recent budget cuts.
President Obama is said to be quite proud of the fact that Subsidi-Farm and the U.S. Government can work together toward a well thought-out compromise on the medical marijuana issue, freeing state governments to focus their attention on more pressing matters, such as health care.
The only problem with this is that like so many other medical canabis patients, some strains work for my illness and others don’t. what if this strain doesn’t provide relief for all patients? Are they just out of luck then?
Come on, this is farce, as in not real aka fake comedy news!
Beware- Monsanto is casting covetous eyes upon this!
Of course! Let’s make sure that someone and only one has the monopoly on this. What’s really sad is so many were gearing and planning to startup growing so that everyone will benifit and those who worked so hard to pass this so they can help by growning and bringing the price down, got screwed as well. So, dam the patients will, if it doesn’t work for them, which I doubt it will, then the government and our wonderful open minded president are going to shove this down the sick and dying throuts whether they like it or not, everyone else looses, and of course the Presidents good buddys are the only who will benefit and profit with their monopoly. Amazing how that worked. Should we be scared now to want choice and voice to express our opinions? Is this a choice or some sort of communist or faciest way of life now were all looking forward to. What’s next? Only one type of car? Everyone’s going to have to ware the same brand of clothes, jewelry? Will we be required to eat food produced only by one farm that’s good buddies with the president. He lost my vote in the next election. This is wrong wrong wrong and only helps two entities, the president and his good buddys at this farm nobody has even heard of. This is worst that just throwing everyone in prison for being sick. Are they just going to shoot and kill everyone who wants a choice when they find only one strain works for them and this doesn’t?
Enjoy your fat pockets Mr. President, I’m sure your good buddys already are. What a very stupid selfish horrible thing to do to all who worked so hard to make this right. This is no different that when the plastics companies hired Hearst to evilise this so they could only benefit as well and threw all those people in jail who knew better and only wanted a choice other than alcahol. SO that’s it then, a monopoly and nothing more. No studies, no way to know if this will even work for those who need a specialized strain. Rediculous and selfish to say the least and another slap in the face of the American people. Don’t even think I’ll vote for this one ever again!!!
Dude, or whoever wrote this, you wrote it’s a joke in the email, is this for real? Or just a joke? Are you a responsible journalist? Reporting or playing a really sick prank?
If it is, this will be the last time I even read this website!
This is an ABOMINATION to G-ds SACRED HERBAL MEDICINE! THIS MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN! RALLY UP THE MEDICAL CANNABIS TROOPS FOLKS! Write to Obama and TELL him we are on to him, and his lab, and that this is NOT a simple fix! Contact ALL media outlets and let your voices be heard! PROTEST THIS TO THE MAX! THIS MUST NOT HAPPEN! Like Dennnis Peron says– “If it’s NOT Green? It’s NOT REAL medicine! Jack Herer warned us all about this years ago and no one really wanted to believe him–he is RIGHT! It is NOW time to STAND UP– and PEACEFULLY FIGHT BACK!
Sincerely,
the Holy Hemptress
Herbalism carries a very long tradition of use beyond standard medication. It is becoming more mainstream as advancements in analysis and quality control in addition to advances in scientific research show the value of herbal medicine in the treating and preventing health issues.
Control! Control! Control! You VILL be CONTROLLED! Ve haf the means to do this because elections haf consequences!! Und, Ve are the far left und Ve haf a PLAN….
Did it ever occur to any of you that the Third Reich was Socialist? Have any of you REALLY studied what some of the Radical Control Freaks surrounding Obama have said & written in recent years? Virtually every one of them is a SELF-ADMITTED Marxist!
Real freedom and real prosperity mean absolutely NOTHING to these people. To the Presidents Team, we are nothing but occasionally “useful idiots”.
I have studied History for over 40years… You all are about to experience in the worst way why failing to study History is the most Stupid Thing a Citizen in a Republic can do.
I hope and Pray that we survive the experience. Over 150 Million People did NOT survive making that mistake in the 20th Century.
70 mil = China
30+mil = Soviet Russia
10+mil = Communist Cambodia
55+mil = World War II
These are NOT estimated numbers, but MINIMAL numbers. Socialism is nothing more than a Gigantic Lie. It is an attempt to impose control upon the great changes unleashed by the Industrial Revolution. It has NOT worked in EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY THAT HAS TRIED IT! That is an indisputable fact.
Ok Glenn, we get it. Now back to your show. Better yet, go smoke a doobie and mellow out.
I guess if you think the Third Reich or the Italian Fascists were socialists, in the sense of left wing socialism, you need to read the actual writings of Hitler and Mussolini who specifically explained how they were neither leftist or communist and they explain why. Hitler even explained why they chose Red and why they chose to use the word “Socialist” in their name. You are fooled the same way millions of Germans were fooled in the 20s and 30s.
You need to understand the differences in these systems before you go making global comments. There are a number of very successful socialist systems out there such as Sweden. And oh, by the way, Socialism is not Communism, they are very different, just as Fascism is different again.
You need to spend a lot more time studying before you go about spouting the simplistic Conservative line. I know you Right wingers are DEATHLY afraid of being lumped in with your Nazi bretheren, but that’s just the part of your history you need to accept.
~Rev Mike