Newlyweds Disappointed by “Oral Expectation” Gap

Sarah and Ted Jgorksen of Providence, Rhode Island dated for almost two years before tying the knot last Sunday in a small traditional wedding held in the Elmhurst neighborhood. While Ted assumed the $5,200 diamond solitaire would ensure a lifetime of hassle-free oral, his bride Sarah assumed she’d never again have to provide it.

“This isn’t an understanding gap, it’s more like a chasm,” said Ted, while his new bride ranted in the background, “Oh you’d like a chasm, wouldn’t you? Like that whore Kayla [you used to date in college, who offered such encounters with impunity, delight, and testicle clutching vigor].”