Government Admits Glenn Beck is Classified Experiment Gone Awry

UNSPECIFIED LOCATION–A rogue agent of a super classified top secret branch of the government (that some say was involved in the Roswell findings of ’47) has spoken with Iron E-News via pigeon and confirmed that American political commentator Glenn Beck was actually a highly classified government experiment gone awry.

On February 10, 1964, when alternate conspiracy universes were converging into an amalgam of white noise that only the faithful could interpret, men in white coats were pulling a “new hope” from the womb of one of their willing test mothers–they called it Glenn Beck.

According to the agent, Mr. Beck (who was unaware of his own true identity until now), was getting too close to the actual truth with his ideas on mind control chemtrails being released into the air, FEMA concentration camps, and urban gangs as the lead enforcers of the New World Order Lockdown, and therefore, had to be forced off the air and out of Fox News.

“When people say Glenn Beck is a conspirarist…conspiratorist…consp–whatever–they don’t know how true that is. The federal government successfully saved sweat from the top conspiracy theorists of the past century and injected it into a test tube with one thought in mind: furthering their control over ‘the bleating sheep of the nation.'”

The secret agent, at the risk of his, as well as the pigeon’s, own life, divulged this highly sensitive information.

“I’m not blowing whistles because I like whistles. I’m doing this because I believe the people have a right to know the truth–the truth that every conspiracy is actually a conspiracy itself. That’s right, I’m saying even the conspiracies are conspiracies. And believe you me, it’s a lot of work. All of us end up spending so much time conspiring on the false conspiracies that they have very little time for the real ones.”

*The last Iron E-News heard, the brave spy pigeon survived the ordeal and is holed up in a safe house somewhere in South America.