Simon Cowell to Leave American Idol for Walmart

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Wednesday afternoon, American Idol sensational judge Simon Cowell announced that concluding the up and coming season he would leave the popular show. The announcement didn’t come as much of a surprise to the entertainment industry or the American Public.

“It was a long time coming. He was ruining his career anyways,” says Alexis Riggins, a diehard American Idol fan. Cowell’s announcement left millions wondering what would be next for the famed Brit. Most found the answer on Twitter where Cowell tweeted “The show has been fun, but it is time that i got a real job.”

Sources close to Cowell say Simon, “applied for jobs everywhere, but in the end only one company wanted him.” That company is Walmart, the tycoon retail chain of the world. Famous for unfair treatment of its employees , Walmart says “Cowell fits right in. He’s mean. we’re cruel.”

Simon Cowell started working on Tuesday morning, and will work every day from nine to five. Cowell is currently a Cashier.

“On the days he judges on American Idol, Simon only works nine to four. It gives him an extra hour to prepare for Idol,” says manager Chuck Baker.

Cowell told reporters, “This is where i belong. Helping Americans, rather than criticizing them. I’m happy here, so leave me alone you bloody bastards.”

The season premire for American Idol is January 14, viewers are asked not to depict Cowell’s wearing of a Walmart vest as an “advertising campaign for Walmart” — but as a “way to show just how nifty Walmart uniforms are.”

Author: bunglernews