A new insight into Rush Limbaugh’s mysterious recent hospitalization has come to light. Originally reported as being a possible heart attack, it now appears that Mr. Limbaugh actually got a pummeling.
Just ‘happening’ to be in Hawaii at the same time as President Barack Obama, it turns out that Limbaugh was actually part of a plot to make sure that the President never got a moments rest from Fox News’ endless anti-Obama onslaught. Using his celebrity status to gain entry everywhere that Obama went, the right pundit harassed the President at every opportunity.
Using techniques he learned in the fifth grade, Limbaugh resorted to tapping into the hotline phone and pretending that the US was under attack from Bhutan. On the golf course Rush, masquerading as an over-age caddy, would sneak up and throw Obama’s balls into the sand traps. Harassing midnight telephone calls of tar baby jokes and comments about a ‘new career shining shoes’ became a nightly headache.
The last straw came during a quiet evening dinner with relatives at a local restaurant when Limbaugh, pretending to be a bus boy, substituted Kool-aid for the wine the Obamas had ordered. Recognizing Limbaugh, Obama proved he was not a total pacifist by successfully doing a Mike Tyson on Limbaugh’s head. Since that was the least sensitive part of the man’s body, it took a few extra blows to bring him to the floor.
Unfortunately, President Obama was forced to return the Nobel Peace Prize as a result of the ruckus.