Sarah Palin Becomes Climate Change Expert at Fox News

BREAKING NEWS – Fox News has taken the plunge(errr) and has hired Sarah Palin as a contributor to take on some of the most controversial issues of our time, including climate change. Satirists and comedians were said to be partying into the wee hours of the night in anticipation of “the perfect storm,” i.e. Palin, Fox News and climate change coming together all in one place, and none can wait for Sarah’s opening performance.

So what makes Sarah such an expert on say, climate change, you ask? Ok stay with me on this one. In case you haven’t heard, she is from Wasilla, Alaska and of course, dontacha know that you can see Russia from her house. But what’s that got to do with climate change you ask? Let me finish. Russia has a huge “Alaska” all its own called Siberia and from all accounts, Siberia is one cold and desolate place. Yeah, but Russia has always been cold, you say smugishly self-assured.

Well, don’t you find it freaky that Florida had a cold snap this month? And lots of Florida farmers are redneck conservatives? Good ole’ boys? Sorry not connecting the dots. I can see where lumping Alaska in with Siberia isn’t such a far out concept, especially since, a long, long time ago, they actually were connected by, I think, the natural bridge to nowhere, you interject with a modicum of doubt.

But what does Siberia have to do with tropical Florida? Well, I’m gonna tell you. It’s said that it is difficult even today to get good fruits and vegetables in Russia and with the latest crop failures in Florida, the same can be said for America, can’t it? Maybe? Just say yes so we can move on.

Sarah Palin is getting bolder and bolder and, little by little, she is showing her true colors as a teabagger, distancing herself further and further from the conservative party, not unlike the distance from say Alaska to Florida. It’s pretty much been established that tea baggers are hell bent (no pun intended) on making sure the public knows that there is no global warming and that this recent cold snap, in fact, is the beginning of a mini ice age, not part of a slow warming trend where we’ll see increasing temperatures over the next few decades (kinda like the warm up we’re seeing right now in Florida).

So, what this all means is, with ice and snow all the way down in Florida, albeit for only a couple days, not only are there going to be some pissed off conservative farmers who are going to have a cold snap thrown in their faces on a regular basis by a turncoat when they turn on the only news channel they feel they can trust for fair and balanced reporting, but crop failures are sure to hit America in epic proportions if subsidy payments aren’t made on time. Therefore, doesn’t it make sense that a teabagger with ice and snow experience should be on tap to create more controversy and discuss ice and snow in the news, and throw in a sprinkling of how taxpayers shouldn’t have to pay for farm crop failures? I know that I, for one, would tune in just to see O’Reilly’s head spinning.

Some say Rupert Murdoch is dumb, yeah, dumb as a Fox.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

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