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UK Rock Festivals Get More Diverse Line-Ups: Fans Outraged

UK Rock Festivals Get More Diverse Line-Ups: Fans Outraged

A couple of reports from Heat Street indicate that many social activists are sick of what they deem to be the exclusionary line-ups at rock festivals.

So, rock organizers are now trying to be more inclusive.

Instead of having straight white males playing rock, the MMDF 2017, or ‘Middlesborough Musical Diversity Festival of 2017’ will have:

Three straight white male opera singers performing the musical dramas of Tchaikovsky (also a white male, although technically Russian, and also closeted, so extra progress points for that one!)

An elderly white woman singing Vivaldi’s church music (ageism and gender equality bonus points, although it is rumored the singer in question is cisgender).

A black gospel singer who is a former Republican politician from Mississippi, and known for his fiery evangelical Pentecostalism.

Five circus elephants who can bray Wagner.

The MMDF bosses are privately fuming that people are not satisfied with this cynical attempt to cash in on Big Diversity.

We have pretty much every music genre under the sun here, and you still complain. There’s just no pleasing some people!

A rather unscientific straw poll on Twitter says that 99.9% of rock fans give zero fucks about who is fronting these festivals.

However, maybe they are just random fascist trolls who are trying to cause trouble.

If all else fails, stick with the conspiratorial explanation!


This post was written by

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Sub-editor of Glossy News. Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! You can buy my satire and poetry ebooks from many online stores, including Amazon. Make sure you like the Glossy News and Wallace Runnymede pages on Facebook!


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