Once in Royal David’s Tavern
Sat a lonely family
Mary, Joseph, and her baby
All alone, on Christmas Day!
Joseph sighed and said to Mary
It’s so dull, why don’t we have a beer?
Mary scowled and wagged her finger
There will be no drunkards here!
Mary tried the best she could
In this humble tavern so rude!
Joseph threw a look of pleading
Mary stood as firm as David’s men
We all know what our Joseph is like
When you’ve had a drop or ten!
Mary tried as best she may
To keep her Joseph from the fray!
A drink? The winking barmaid gestured
Aye, gizz ‘ere! Our Joseph slurred
Mary’s eyes opened wide in horror
As the ale the lass did pour
Cup and cup, and bottle upon bottle
Did our rash St Joseph imbibe
Mary groaned, her vain entreaties
Could not staunch the rising tide
Now do behave! His Mary warned him
Three wise men are on their way!
They are solemn men of virtue
No more drink! Dear Joe, behave!
Mary knew the sages of the east
Cared but little for fermented yeast!
Ooo, look at that! the first wise man cried
Swaggering in the tavern pleasant
Give us that! the second wise man roared
Casting down his tribute pheasant
Mary’s eyes went wide like tankards
Were these wise men, or idle drunkards?
Through the night, the wise men reeled
And sang and roared and reeled again,
And when the shepherds came to join them
Then they were truly merry men!
Mary at last, had a glass herself,
Soon there ne’er was empty a shelf!
And so it was that every Christmas
We are merry, in our way
This is not a time for groaning,
Teetotal grimaces? Not today!
For if He is named the God that dances
Then every reveller should take our chances!
For every Yuletide is a time of joy
Drink sing and dance, now don’t be coy!