Effective as of midnight, GlossyNews.com is under new ownership. Editor Brian K. White has been relieved of his duties and a new editorial team will be shaping coverage from here out.
The sale had been in the works for some time. Media empire The Blaze Inc. is the purchaser, and while the sum paid is undisclosed, it is rumored to be in the four to five figure range.
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Future GlossyNews articles will be simul-published on TheBlaze.com, and GlossyNews will also begin to add new features, such as Bible study, homeschooling advice, doomsday prepper tips, and periodic teachings from The Book of Mormon.
“We’ll be taking a new editorial direction,” said Dex Sinistri, the new editor. “Basically we’ll be more ‘fair’ to conservatives than we have been in the past, and that’s only fair.
A press released issued late Sunday assured readers that the shift would not be noticeable, much as it wasn’t when Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp took over the Wall Street Journal, which has become in no way a tabloid rag for conservative propaganda.
Outgoing editor Brian K. White asked long-time staff writer and newly named editor Sinistri if he could, “at least grab [his] coffee cup,” but unfortunately there was no time for an answer, as security had already been asked to remove him from the premises, which is also his residence.
His whereabouts are presently unknown. Sinistri has been appointed by The Blaze Inc. to care for his children and tend to his wife’s needs, both domestically and sexually.
We’re confident you’ll agree that the following articles truly represent a better, more honest truth about the state of America.
Hey, do you need a Prime Minister?
I’m game if you are.
I promise not to try to take over the minute you turn your back.
It looks more like Dexter Sinister has managed a coup and taken over all the writing too.
Finally, it’s about time we get some fair and balanced journalism on this site, the way God and Mitch McConnell would have intended it. And Brian, I am sure your kids will be in the best of care at the Mount Zion Bible Indoctrination Academy.