MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them.
Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the pages of ex-girlfriends or watching Youtube videos of raccoons giving hugs can also go to Statusbook to get ideas for status updates, or simply copy and paste updates that have already been rated.
Founder and CEO of Statusbook.net, Scott Bevel, is an English major at The University of Montana, and the six-year Senior launched the site simply because he wants to “get the f**k out of Montana.” Bevel told reporters.
“Dude, it was like, the exact same thing as that kid in that kick-ass movie about Facebook, but better, you know?” Then Bevel updated his Facebook status to: “In your FACE Facebook!” Two people have liked this update so far.
Statusbook has been a Godsend for people like Janice Carowlsky, 54, of Defiance, OH. “You never know if your friends are going to really like your Facebook status,” Carowlsky says as she writes a text to her neighbor asking for sugar, “Besides, who has the time to come up with an original thought when you’re trying to keep up with the status of 112 friends? Wasting valuable time used to be so much easier with Soap Operas and Geraldo, now you actually have to interact with people you’ve never met and probably never will.”
Carowlsky’s current status update—which she found in the “funny statuses” category on Statusbook—has only received four “likes” on her Facebook page. “I knew I should have gone with the one about chocolate instead,” Carowlsky laments.
Eight people like her new Facebook update from Statusbook: “Chocolate contains phenylthylamine, the chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. No love? Eat chocolate!”
A Hallmark card sense of humor and love of chocolate isn’t just for middle-aged housewives. Ed Hicks of Huntsville, AL is a 27-year-old line cook at Hooters who spends his breaks at work searching for food-related updates on Statusbook. “You gotta git yer laugh on or you’d go crazy workin’ in a place like this,” Hicks says in a thick southern accent, “I look for ones that match my sophistification and witty kind of wit.”
So far, Hicks’ current status from Statusbook—Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?—has received one like. “Oh well,” he says as he dons an Owl apron, “you cain’t win em all!”
Perhaps the most popular Statusbook category is the “Pickups” category, where you can find such classic pickup lines as, “I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” with a rating of 17 likes, or even ones submitted by the Jeopardy computer, Watson: “I am smarter than you. Want to go out?” Despite the fact that Facebook only has 700 million users, Watson’s update has generated over a billion likes.
If you are really looking for a quick and easy update that’s guaranteed to get likes, check out the “LIKE if” category and choose from updates, such as this original gem,”LIKE this if: you were born on your birthday.” Apparently, only 49 people were actually born on their birthday.
Or, if you prefer something that has the same sophomoric flare but a little more philosophical, this update has a 29-like rating: “LIKE if you’re a boy, girl, online, bored, a teen, hungry, thirsty, sad, happy, OR tired.” Ultimately, it appears that crude humor works the same magic on status updates as it does on bumper stickers. “LIKE if you’re horny!” has a current like rating of 812.
Contributors to Statusbook work around the clock to find Facebook updates that have received the most likes. Freelance writer, Margaret Savage, is based in Montreal and writes updates for the site in addition to scouring Facebook for anything remotely interesting.
“I just don’t understand why Americans are such f**king idiots,” Savage says, “I mean, really, you can’t come up with something better than ‘Am I the only one who feels like a complete idiot when other people sing “Happy Birthday” to me?!’ Thirty-nine morons liked that idiotic remark, and I’m tempted to respond to his status with: You are a complete idiot without the birthday wishes.”
Seattle-based writer, Danny O’Brien, claims that he has become cynical and disillusioned through his job at Statusbook. “I found that it helps to give up and then post updates such as, ‘Don`t quit because something went wrong. Quit because you tried your hardest and nothing made it better,’ ” says O’Brien, “Do I really care if it has only received 4 likes, or my brilliant ‘Recycle your bottles not your status updates’ only got one like and I know it was my roommate who liked it? Meh.”
Savage agrees with O’Brien’s nonchalant approach to such a silly job, “I get a paycheck in the mail just the same, and I have other ways of stroking my inflated ego. Why would I waste time caring that the updates created by people who can’t even complete a thought or bother with a spellchecker get more likes than mine?”
Even if no one liked Savage’s latest, “They say butterflies taste with their feet. What are your thoughts on this?” it appears that Statusbook is on the rise with 716 likes, even if no one interviewed in this report likes Statusbook or any of the updates they plagiarized from the site.
You can find Statusbook on Facebook, where it’s current status is, “LIKE if you are horny, lazy, and online.” So far, 1,295 people have liked this update.