GlossyNews Swallows [Pride] and Merges with Twitter

Following a precipitous plummet in readership, the once formidable political satire site Glossynews announced today that it will be merging with Twitter to create internet’s the first 140 character satire site.  Glossynews found itself in trouble shortly after insisting on well-edited pieces, much to the ire of thousands of aspiring writers who produced copious amounts of material for the site.

The false promise of thousands of dollars in income created a virtual gold rush in political satire, which quickly evaporated after former editor Brian White sold the site and the new owners apparently began spending all their money on iPhones, gambling debts and partying with Charlie Sheen.

“I used to write on a few topics every week without fail. Then all of a sudden the site apparently ran out of money. Hell, I’m going back to writing for The Onion,” said Kilroy, a lying, hack writer who could barely put two coherent sentences together anyway.

And as one of the editors of Glossynews pointed out, it is this exact audience the newly renovated site seeks to draw.  Speaking behind the shield of nonexistent anonymity, new head editor John D. Forbes suggested that short-attention spans and declining writing skills have created the perfect target demographics for 140 character political satire.

“These dumb sons-of-bitches don’t know jack about politics in the first place. Plus they are too illiterate to be able to comprehend any parody more than 140 characters long that doesn’t feature sex or fart jokes,” spat Forbes.  Adding that most writers of political satire lose their train of thought approximately 120-135 characters into any piece before going off topic, Mr. Forbes thinks the “Glossy-Twitter” merger is timely. “140 character political parody is more easily distributed on social media such as Twitter.  We figure since we’re not making any money anyway, we may as well be at the forefront of the meaningless drivel that’s passing for real information,” said Forbes. “We have to get used to presenting to a highly mobile but increasingly dumb-as-Jethro population.”

When asked how one could possibly write a political parody about Sarah Palin in only 140 characters, Mr. Forbes pulled a crumpled piece of paper and a gun from his pocket. “Don’t you EVER question me!” he said, slightly agitated, before providing a good example: “Sarah Palin accuses McCain handlers of even trying to control her bowel movements during campaign. McCain admits only to telling her she was so totally full of sh*t.” However, many consider Sarah Palin to be self-parodying anyway and much overused as a topic of political satire.

Former editor Brian White allegedly sold the site for millions at the height of its popularity. He couldn’t be reached for direct comment, but Tweeted from a beach in Costa Rica, “Miss me yet?”