After years and years of poor Hollywood remakes the film capital of the world has decided that Hollywood, itself, needs a remake.
Set for release in November 2015 the Hollywood remake will see star-studded town set in downtown Detroit, with the Hollywood sign made out of scrap metal.
Liz Silverman, head of the Committee Remake Association Partnership (CRAP), told Glossy News that she felt it was the right step for Hollywood:
“Hollywood have been churning out rubbish remakes for the last 10 years or so; from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Hitcher, The Italian Job, Aurthur, The Karate Kid, Taxi, The Ring to Total Recall; it is only right that we have a place to centre them all.”
“We need to make it consistent with the quality of remakes, for instance, The Wickerman remake was just awful, so we have made sure that all our Hollywood remake had lots of bees and even more Nic Cage look-a-likes.”
“We also had to take into account that in some cases the original film wasn’t even good and we have achieved this by making sure all scripts submitted to our new Hollywood-Detroit offices are only from bad movies.”
She continued: “So, for example, this week we are looking at remaking Red Planet, a terrible, 2000, Val Kilmer film and The Adjustment Bureau, where the magic hats are now pink hair bows.”
Concern is increasing that the film industry will become diluted with films that feature old plots, wooden acting, poor direction, lazy editing and continuity and a complete lack of concern for the audiences viewing pleasure and greater focus on the finical health of Hollywood-Detroit executives.
Derek Fransworth, professor of film studies at a university, believes this has already happened: “That’s what it is now, people will watch anything as long as it’s in 3D.”
He went on to say: “British remakes are totally taking a dump on Hollywood originals, just look at the recent Judge Dredd movie,” he said with a superior, pretentious, British accent. “It looks like our Hollywood remake is gonna be ivory towers!”