Professor Astounds Crowd with Staggering Ignorance of Pop Culture

SAINT PAUL, MN—Speaking before a mesmerized audience at Hamline University Thursday, Professor Malcolm Forsythe floored the crowd with his complete and utter lack of knowledge regarding even the vaguest details of anything going on in recent pop culture.

Stunned students and visitors alike sat with mouths agape in awed admiration as he listed various figures and subjects with a dignified distance that most of them could only dream of.

For every single topic mentioned, he was unable to elaborate on any of them whatsoever.

RIGHT: The crowd listens in rapt silence to the pop culturally dislearned Forsythe (inset) (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“The crushing fact that reality TV statistics occupy more space in my brain than Post-Civil War Reconstruction or the nuances in the works of Camille Saint-Saëns causes me to feel a knee-buckling surge of shame,” one student said with a smile.

Professor Forsythe was even confident enough to hold a Q & A afterwards, and in keeping with his image, was unable to answer a single question pertaining to the pop culture of recent years that any student could possibly conceive.

Upon Forsythe’s utterance of, “What’s a ‘Miley’?” a handful of people passed out, physically overwhelmed with feelings of respect, and likely jealousy as well.

“He’s failed to learn more about celebrity minutiae than I’ll ever be able to forget,” said another inspired student.

Forsythe wrapped up his presentation by saying, “The last Indiana Jones movie I saw was The Last Crusade,” causing the crowd to collectively jump to their feet and erupt into thunderous applause.

Author: Rusty Shackleford

Rusty Shackleford is a comedy writer typing away from a bunker in an undisclosed location.

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