PALM BEACH COUNTY, FL – Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was flattened Sunday after a freak accident involving a vending machine left the 61-year-old with multiple injuries.
Just 24 hours after issuing an apology to law student Sandra Fluke for calling her a “slut” and “a prostitute” on his live show, EMTs rushed Limbaugh to nearby Palm Beach County Hospital, where the radio personality is being treated for excruciating rib damage, three broken fingers and a fractured cheek bone.
Additionally, Limbaugh is being treated for first degree burns after the hot cup of coffee he was holding at the time of the accident poured all over his chest, face and legs.
“Mr Limbaugh is having one or two difficulties breathing at this time,” said Dr. Brian Gabbidon. “We’re keeping an eye on him around the clock, and we just hope he can find it within himself to stop crying out in pain every second of the day.”
“Honestly, I’ve never seen anything so… well, pathetic.”
It is believed that Limbaugh, whose radio career stems back some 40 years, was attempting to dislodge a pack of M&Ms from the vending machine when his left wrist became stuck in the flap, prompting Limbaugh to pull the 7″ft appliance down upon his frail anatomy.
Be still my beating heart!