In a stunning turn of events, former Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi has failed to pick up the hottest girl in Rome.
News sources reported late Monday that glitzy fashion star Martina Martinelli blew off the antsy Italian Stallion in favor one of his predecessors as premier, the 94-year old Giulio Andreotti.
According to Martinelli, her new flame is “So efficient and fast—he goes straight for the finish line. That proves he truly and deeply loves me. I never want to leave his arms, even though he falls asleep very quickly and sometimes requires an oxygen mask.”
She also expressed disappointment in Berlusconi, who despite his billions of dollars “Could not buy me love.”
Leaked insider accounts reveal the 76-year old Berlusconi is pissed off. One source noted “He just cannot accept the inevitability of losing out to an older kid—it’s like the elementary school playground inn Milan again.”
Another close confidant suggested “Silvio may attempt to cancel the federal elections so he can sort things out. A prime minister without a girl is not acceptable to the Italian public.”
For himself, Andreotti is thrilled. “I finally get to be the cool kid,” he told reporters. “After years of calling me ‘The Devil,’ my enemies are at last recognizing the talents and stamina of Papa Giulio.”
Across the Atlantic, former President Bill Clinton has promised to provide emotional support for Berlusconi in this troubling time.