HOLLYWOOD, CA — Brittany Murphy was a hardworking actress who was juggling multiple movie projects in the months leading up to her unexpected death, according to Hollywood sources.
“This is truly a loss,” lamented Norgay Pfifflebother, an expert on homemade celebrity porn who consults for the Screen Actor’s Guild (SAG) and the Writer’s Guild of America (WGA). “She was young, beautiful and no longer being approached by major studios for projects. Like any celebrity in these conditions, she had already completed at least three homemade sex videos, which she was preparing to leak on the Internet to boost her career. Now, we may never see any of them.”
It’s difficult to estimate just how many “hidden camera” bedroom videos Murphy may have had in the works, but Pfifflebother says for every two sex tapes released, an average of six more are either being shot or edited.
“She knew her material, and she was on her game,” said Simon Monjack, Murphy’s husband. “She was professional. She was there for me. She was healthy. She’s such a pro and so good at her craft that she could turn it on and off as necessary.”
Monjack was also serving as Murphy’s hair and makeup artist.
For his part, Pfifflebother says he’s concerned about other tapes being released before his office has a chance to review them. “You know, people like Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson made an entire industry out of these gonzo-style home movies. But lately, interest has been waning. Washed up ‘personalities’ the likes of Dustin Diamond, Verne Troyer and Chyna are going to the studios and begging them to distribute their filth. So far, it hasn’t really paid off for them. But with Brittany, she and her husband could’ve made a fortune and reignited this niche market. I want to make sure these projects see the light of day and that Murphy’s family benefits from the proceeds. ‘Cause let’s face it, who’s gonna pay to see Screech, a tranny wrestler or a midget humping?”
Not many, according to the latest AP poll. Those with the highest likelihood of enjoying a coital romp featuring Chyna, Troyer or Diamond also expressed deep affection for the Bumfights franchise.
“Oh well,” sighed Pfifflebother, “there’s still Kim Kardashian. Given the trends, though, my fear is that the next generation of Kardashian sex tape will feature Bruce Jenner or Khloe. At that point, we might just as well give Chyna’s a look-see.”