CIA Secret Operation “Xbox 360 Fever” Underway to Topple Taliban

The CIA is mum on a new secret operation designed to take the Taliban out once and for all. The concept of Operation “Xbox 360 Fever” is based on this country’s own experience with realistic computer games. “It is mainly aimed at the male soldiers who know nothing but fighting since they were young,” said Lt. Col. Milton Bradley, no relation to General Omar Bradley.

According to the limited press release on the latest attempt to “get into the heads” of the Taliban, it would work like this:

*Ten million Xbox 360 consoles and “Call of Duty: The War Collection” games would be purchased from various Wal-Mart stores across America.

*They would be air dropped to opposing forces on the ground in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya.

*Instructions would be in Arabic.

*Eventually, the soldiers would put down their weapons to take a look. After a few attempts, they would get the hang of the games, become hooked like so many of their American counterparts, and would forget about fighting in the real world.

*The wars would be over.

Lt. Col. Bradley says that this operation has to work. “We see the effect it has on a large portion of our own male population. They play to all hours of the night and when it is time to go to school or work in the morning, they simply cannot drag themselves out of bed.” Bradley claims that all such video games are outlawed in all the branches of the Armed Services for this reason.

Bradley and other top ranking military officials believe that once the full effect of the addiction to the games takes hold, allied forces can then go in and take them without so much as a bullet being fired (in reality of course).

Not only do they believe in the effectiveness of this latest operation, but the Pentagon is claiming that the entire operation will cost little more than $5 billion dollars. Doing the math, that means roughly a gazillion dollars would be saved on fighting these three wars and countless others that may soon pop up all over Africa and the Middle East.

In fact, if this operation succeeds, talks are already taking place to supply every man in Africa with a complete Xbox 360/Gears of War package. The only temporary setback will be lack of electricity, but for another $10 or so billion dollars, battery packs would be included with each console.

Efforts are underway to see that the Xbox 360 packages are delivered to Taliban forces in each of the three countries within the next month. “By May, we should be in a position to sweep up the Middle East and restore peace throughout the region,” said Bradley.

Asked how they know this effort will work, one war analyst says that he knows for a fact that several war hawks from the United States have been given the Xbox 360 to try out. One war hawk of note, Donald Rumsfeld, rarely comes out of hiding except for the occasional incoherent interviews he gives every few days on major news channels, which even he admits he doesn’t remember.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at