WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Who’ll be chosen to fill Helen Thomas’s front row seat in the White House briefing room? With serious, big-time lobbying in full-out high dudgeon between Fox and Bloomberg, something has to give soon.
It seems to be slowly pointing to the man with the most — whoa here now — this just in … it looks like it is going to be announced in a minute or two that Fox will win out after all.
Public word from this just-released WHCA press release that Team Murdoch/Ailes have won, with their [secret] submission of the name that will fill that front row seat. None other than Sarah Palin! And the press conference now begins.
Yes, folks, the poster child for the TeaBagger/RightWing/FauxGnus fringe group has taken the prize seat in the front row of the White House Briefing Room. Sarah Palin is going to Washington DC after all. And she will be gunning for the President big-time, to throw a Cheney-ism on the burning-out-of-control cliché fire.
She is stepping up to the mic now and boy is she looking smug!
“Hello there fellow press members, I am now one of you and you’d better get used to it real quick. Who’s first here? Yes, over there Mr. Donaldson is it? Nice to see you here and awake so early, Sam.”
“Ms. Palin, may I call you Sarah? [Sarah nods] Thanks. Now Sarah, what possibly gave you the idea that you can walk in the shoes of the great Helen Thomas?” asked Sam Donaldson of ABC-TV.
“I guess I’ll always be able to count on you to ask the very deep and searching questions, Gret–uh, I meant Sam.” She smiled meaningfully at Sam and said, “I have been praying about this move for a few days now and I have received the answers that I was thinking that my God would give me in similar situations to this.” She continued, after checking her left thumb, “God said that I do deserve to sit in this esteemed chair. After all, I have made a degree in journalism and a minor in the libertarian arts. And don’t forget my half-term as state governor experience now. I can relate easily to the likes of the presidential office. I can talk with the big boys now. Who’s next? I know the protocols here and there isn’t any Helen Thomas, so who wants to ask the second question? Over there behind my stand-in Fox guy. Yes, you honey. Speak up.”
“Ed Chen, Bloomberg News. Ms. Palin, it seems that you, as an extreme conservative Republican politician who didn’t complete an elected term of office, are in a very delicate position to assume the still-warm seat of a liberal journalist with over 50 years of experience meeting….”
“And your point is?” broke in Ms. Palin
“My question is, ma’am,” cotinued Mr. Chen, “what are you plans for continuing to fill this seat with the respect and ability required of an impartial news journalist? Are you taking any refresher courses at university level for this glaring lack in your professional resume?”
Palin leered at Chen and said with grit and grizzle in her eye, “The next question will be from Matt at the Drudge Report. Matt, your question?”
“Yes, I am Matt Drudge, thanks for the plug Sarah. But I think my question would be to repeat Mr. Chen’s very apropos question if you wouldn’t mind answering it.” and Matt sat down.
“Well, the next question will be heard from Major Garrett at Fox.” said Ms. Palin.
Jumping from his seat, Garrett stammered, “Major Garrett Fox News, and Ms. Palin I would echo Matty’s request that you answer Mr. Chen’s very powerful question.”
“Christina Bellantoni at TPM,” begged Palin, “Don’t you have some other subject matter that you are dying to quiz me about here?”
Nothing wagged the shaking head of Ms. Bellantoni.
“Please? Anyone?”
She was again met with silence throughout the room. Then she became suddenly aware that the occupants of the room had all turned to face the back of the room, leaving Ms. Palin with the eerie feeling of what it felt like to be in the back row of the White House Press Room.
“OK, I see I’m done here.” And she stepped away from the mic.