Hunk Obama Nominated for Porn Award

The nominees for the upcoming AVN Adult Video awards were released today, and in surprising move, the Adult Academy has nominated President Obama for Best Male Performer.

It should be noted that the president is receiving the nomination without performing a single on-screen thrust, causing considerable controversy within the industry. Dick Ironrod, who is also nominated for the award, expressed concerns that Obama had the requisite experience.

“You can’t just waltz in from of the street and do this,” said Ironrod, “I had to do gay porn for six years just to get my foot in the door.” Ironrod, a twelve year veteran of adult film and volunteer Sunday School teacher, indicated that he was not alone in his questions about whether the president had done enough to merit receiving such a prestigious award, and that the hardworking men and women of porn were outraged “that he could just come in here and not f**k his way to the top.”

Peter Kumquat, a spokesman for the AVN, said the nominating committee was inspired by President Obama’s recent surprising Nobel Peace Prize win.

“We had never even heard of these No-Bell guys, and look what it’s done for their PR,” said Kumquat, “It’s brilliant! You couldn’t pay for publicity like this. Well, you could, but it would probably cost a lot of money. Like, whole a lot, probably.”

Others don’t view the President’s recent string of awards in such a positive light. Conservative talk radio host Jack Fuller says that nominating Obama for an award which should rightly go to a pornstar “is an insult to the Real Americans who are down there, working in the trenches, day in and day out.”

Fuller went relate a theory which has been making the rounds on the internet, concerning White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emmanuel. Because he has a title that sounds sort of official, but no one is quite sure what he does, many speculate that Emmanuel has been spending his free time using the considerable clout of the White House to pressure various organizations to consider the president for awards he would otherwise not be eligible for.

The theory goes that Emmanuel wants badly for Obama to surpass fellow Democrat Al Gore, who added the Nobel Peace prize to the Grammy and Oscar on his mantle back in 2007.

Whether or not that theory has any truth to it, the fact is that since the October 9 Nobel announcement, President Obama has been nominated for or outright given an unprecedented 842 separate awards. Awards that he neither sought nor had any knowledge that he was in the running for include the Pulitzer Prize, the Heisman trophy, a Peabody, an ESPY, the title of Miss Teen South Carolina, and Employee of the Month at the Super Kmart in Owesnboro, Kentucky.

The President has also been named Best Mid-Sized Sedan by J.D. Power and Associates.

Author: Paul Yokota

Paul Yokota writes nonsense and made-up bullpocky on a semi-fortnightly basis on his news satire site Secondhand News.

2 thoughts on “Hunk Obama Nominated for Porn Award

  1. …outraged “that he could just come in here and not f**k his way to the top.”

    If I were them, I’d be pissed that he just came in on top without any need for all that lower level f-ing.

    People who have worked hard on their way to the top in this f-ing business should at least be shown the decency of f-ing with everyone who comes in later on to make it in this f-ing business.

    After all, who does he f-ing think he is that he can f-ing walk in and take the f-ing elevator to the f-ng top floor and just f-ing win?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? USE THIS COMMENTS SECTION TO PUT THE WORLD TO RIGHTS...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.