Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour

Russian Porch, AK “Palin-out” —n., the act of leaving before 2009 is over. Todd Palin quit his job with BP’s North Slope oil operation at the beginning of October. News of this quitting comes two months after Sarah Palin’s announcement that she quit her state governor job on July 26. These news items followed the sad news that 54% of the country registered a “big quit” over her and John McCain’s campaign for taking over the White House from G. W. Bush & Co.

Then, in what seemed like the ultimate family quit (secretly applauded by Sarah) daughter Bristol quit that Johnston boy as father to her child. Until Todd, that is. So the adult part of the family has called it quits for the time being.

Well, Todd still keeps racing his snow machines. And the commercial fishing gig in the state. His celebrity-seeking wife attempted mono-lingual Asian business speaking, and tried at a much-lauded virtual book author. Now with multi-millions of her unpublished book, Going Rogue, being literally wished off the shelves of bookstores, only the real dollars are yet to line up with this meteoric rise into auto-orbit. She’s also pushing at Fox News, just in case.

This for a book that began life as a $35 page-turner, tell-all. And has wafted slowly down through $29 – $24 – $22, and, last seen priced at $4.97+ shipping with a year’s purchase of the Neocon “Dish with Newt” newsletter – $2,000/person. “You’ve never dined until you Dish with Newt.”

Even Amazon.com, online mega-retailer, claims eye-blinking amazement at the untold possibilities of sales of her 200-page book, remaindered at $14.97, when it is eventually published. “We can only imagine with the virtual rubbing of the hands, what heights the sales of this book could reach. But we are deeply imagining,” said Amazon spokesperson G. B. Sterling at company headquarters. “It is what everyone hopes for in this business. And we have bought into this hope fest as we count the copies posted of conservative wishlists around the world.”

“Everyone is wishing to have this book, and we can only hope that eventual sales come close to matching the wishes,” chimed in Jeff Bezos, chairman of Amazon, who was roused from his napping on Sterling’s office couch. “So sad for us, her exclusive conservative-city book tour will be ever the more delightful now that BP-Quitter Todd has signed on as her tour manager. What a draw he will be. Almost the same as the Playgirl December issue with that Johnston boy, I think.”

Asked why, Bezos continued “You know, don’t you that Amazon doesn’t own one brick, let alone the accompanying mortar to make even one store. Amazon customers won’t benefit at all from her tour. It’s only because I am such a dear friend of Oprah’s that I am going to get to see Sarah at all. And then it’s going to be by Skype. I couldn’t get a plane ticket to Chicago because of the Palin entourage. They took every one of Oprah’s November plane tickets and half of December’s as well.”

“I will say this… for a family of quitters, they sure run at the head of the pack.” He smiled. “The All-American story writ large. Care for a cup of tea?”