335
Satan is a great composer.
His sin-phonies are epic.
Especially his Trumplandia in B Flat Minor.
336
Millions of teenagers
are now having a premature
senior moment —
their gradu-wait-ion ceremony.
337
An apt quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes:
“We have a special mask we wear for each friend.”
How long will it be before that’s the basis
for an online business?
338
Legally, what happens when you break a stay-at-home order?
The police show up with a search quarant.
339
The virus spreads through the air,
especially through speech.
So as part of the effort to go back to “normal”
we should all learn sign language
and take lessons from mimes.
340
the Tool of Law —
using the law as a weapon
against their enemies.
341
Politics —
the nation’s pisstime.
342
News flash —
Cyanide prevents coronavirus.
If you’re dead, you can’t get infected.
Somebody please tell Trump and Pence.
343
In recognition of Trump’s
medical acumen,
McDonald’s should rename
the Big Mac
the Big Quack.
344
Trump just won
an Obie,
for his convincing Off-Broadway performance
as a morbidly obese zombie.
345
Trump must be a mammal.
He totally sucks.
346
Like the eagle,
Trump deserves respect,
as the national bird brain.
347
Trump unmasked.
Everything we need to know
we learned in nursery rhyme school.
His name is Trumpelstiltskin.
348
“My God! This is a nightmare!”
“No. It’s a nightstallion. That’s far worst.”
“Then geld him. Quick!”
349
William Barr is in charge of
the Department of Just-is-fication,
defending what just is
and turning justice into fiction,
a novel idea.
350
Trump just lost lots of supporters
who are passionately against contraception.
They heard he supports the use rubber bullets.
351
I believe Trump will be gone before November.
A friend of mine laments that Pence would be worse.
I told him,
“You’re incorrigible.
And in times like these we need lots of corrige.”
352
What does Pence think?
Does Pence think?
In times of crisis, his voice is like the sound of a tree falling in a forest when there is no one around to hear it.
353
Trump depends on his base.
He caters to his base.
He is totally base,
the lowest of the low.
354
Trump believes in freedom.
Freedom from knowledge.
Freedom from morals.
He loves being both free and dumb.
355
“I’m glad you are wearing a mask,
but why only one glove?”
Like the government,
my left hand doesn’t know
what my right hand is doing.
356
I’m sure Trump had the needs of the people in mind
when he built a new Wailing Wall
around the White House
where citizens can leave
prayers for the salvation of the nation.
357
Due to the plague, 1593-1594 London theaters and large gatherings had to shut down (except church services.)
Sound familiar?
They also killed off cats and dogs, not realizing that rats spread the disease.
Rats are the problem today, too —
the infestation of rats in the White House.
358
Transformational thinking —
paper ballot
becomes pay per ballot
a new tax.
I wouldn’t put it past him.
359
Plausible rumor ripe for spreading —
Trump wants to rename the White House,
the White Man’s House.
360
Trump has lost all credibility even with his own base.
He went into the bunker and then came out of it.
He’s totally debunked.
361
Trump is a professional poll dancer.
But soon he will be stripped of his power.
362
How many polls does it take to change a president?
Just one.
In November.
363
Trump’s NDAs
are part of his
don’t mask
don’t tell
policy.
364
There is no need for Tulsa attendees
to sign waivers asserting that they will not hold
the Trump campaign responsible
for anyone catching the virus at the rally.
By precedent, Trump has established that
he is totally irresponsible.
365
White lies matter.
366
I’m imagining a cartoon with Trump putting a lighter to the Constitution and saying, “You’re fired!”
367
Fake news —
Trump blames TV networks for
the spread of cornonavirus,
because they’re common carriers.
368
The favorite drink of the healthconscious —
Maskerade
369
Do Catholics wear massks?
370
Coronavirus is airborne and goes much farther than six feet when you talk or sing or cough or when the wind blows.
I suspect that insects are the only creatures for whom six feet is enough.
371
After Trump’s finances and resignation
the best news will be the ex-pence report.
372
Trump is certainly well informed about the greatest threat this country faces,
since he himself is that threat.
373
Classes offered in
how to be a curmudgeon
how to become such an ornery bastard
that no one will want to be near you.
The surest, safest way to social distance.
374
99%?
Trump probably made up that statistic on the fly,
inspired by the muse medicine —
Hypocritus.
Long ago, he took the Hypocritical Oath.
375
Given Trump’s words and actions
and their consequences,
I wouldn’t be surprised
if he is collecting a bounty
for every American who dies of the pandemic,
with a bonus for school kids.